LOVE 2020: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Good Morning &

       Happy Valentine’s Day!

It is finally here  –  Valentine’s Day!

I actually started celebrating with my sons yesterday

Again, Valentine’s Day is about all the people you love

There is nothing greater than LOVE!

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love;

                But the greatest of these is love”

I Corinthians 13:13

That is pretty powerful –

Love is even greater than hope … and faith!

God’s words … not mine. Yet there is a solid explanation

We will talk about this verse in the coming days

But for today,

My prayer is simple,

That you will be able to spend some time with the one (or ones) you love

And, make room to show kindness to someone around you

You never know what someone is going through –

And you just might make their Valentine’s Day!

Have a Blessed Day & Happy Valentine’s Day!

LOVE 2020: IT'S ABOUT LOVE ...

Hello Friends

I do not normally do two posts in one day –

However, I had to run to the store this evening,

And, bless their hearts – the store was full of me,

Trying to find just the right Valentine’s Day gifts

The right card, sweets, flowers, balloons, chocolate-dipped strawberries

                You name and they were trying to grab it up

I felt bad for them … I mean, I could see the stress on their faces

One poor guy walked right away from the register and left his phone

SO – it made me feel a second post was warranted today

                One that reminds all of us that IT IS ABOUT LOVE!

NOW – I know I am probably the last one that should say it;

                What with all the fuss I make

HOWEVER – my fuss is always about the love associated with Valentine’s Day

                Not necessarily the commercialism

My heart was a little sad because I know some of those guys,

                Are still going to end up in an argument tomorrow,

                Because they bought flowers but didn’t send them to her job

                Because they bought chocolates but she’s on a diet

                Because they didn’t take her out for dinner

                Because they didn’t plan an evening in and cook dinner

THAT IS NOT WHAT IT IS ABOUT FOLKS –

And, since I am a lady, I would like to talk to the ladies for a moment.

This is not a contest with your girlfriends or co-workers,

                So you can brag on everything he did for Valentine’s Day

It is also not fair to get your feelings hurt …

especially if you did not take steps to make an equal fuss over him

Guess What? MEN LIKE LOVE, APPRECIATION and GIFTS TOO!

Just saying …

And, if you have not gotten him something,

spend the evening coming up with something.

There is a neat little company called Man Crates –

Now – it is too late to get anything for tomorrow;

However – you could make your own ‘Man Crate’, 

          filling it with his favorite beverages and snacks

Homemade coupons are always nice … get creative!

How about you cook him a meal – or the two of you cook a meal together and stay in?

Does he like golf? A gift certificate to a local golf course is a great idea!

Does he like firearms? A membership to a nice range is an excellent gift.

And these things do not have to be done tomorrow – because it’s Valentine’s Day

There are a thousand ways to show love and appreciation

Valentine’s is just an extra day to demonstrate the love –

The love we should be should be showing one another all year long

And, over the next couple of weeks 

     – YES THE POSTS WILL CONTINUE PAST VALENTINE’S DAY –

     We’ll be talking about some of those ideas – that do not involve purchasing anything

In the meantime …

Have a Blessed Evening &

Remember, It’s About Love!

LOVE 2020: ROMANCE

Hi There!

Let’s see if I can get this post up today – since it is almost tomorrow

I hope your Monday was fantastic

I have no complaints – and I have my eyes fixed on Valentine’s Week!

Yes – it is not just a day for me

And – in case you have not realized it yet;

I am a hopeless romantic!

I love everything about LOVE –

From the practical and general to the sky-high, give-you-butterflies kind of love

And, I love everything about ROMANCE

What is there not to love?

I would not attempt to define romance –

Especially since it holds such a highly individualized meaning for each person

However, for me, it some of the simpler things which scream romance

Sadly though, I believe true romance has died to an extent

In our hyper-sexualized world, some things have changed

The treasure of a fleeting glance has seemed to lost some of its allure

The sweet and simple [but still passionate] act of holding hands,

Seems to be diminished in value somehow

Yesterday we talked about the ‘little things’

And I have to say – the most romantic  moments I have experienced & witnessed,

                Have been those small but genuine gestures of affection

Telling someone to be careful when their driving;

It might seem like an inconsequential comment –

However, it speaks to someone who is genuinely concerned about another

That is romantic – at least to me

Being able to do ‘nothing’ with someone you care about –

                And having it feel like ‘everything in the world’

That is romantic …

Feeling comfortable enough to be yourself – to truly be yourself;

Sharing your most intriguing thoughts, deepest fears & wildest dreams,

That is romantic!

It is a connection – one that is not formed casually

It is a bonding and a ‘coming together’ intellectually

It is knowing someone and being know by them – and loving each other through it all

The ability to be ‘naked & unashamed’ emotionally – that is something amazing

Romance, Romance, Romance

I know – it is perhaps a bit too simplistic and naïve for some

However – it does something to my heart and I would not trade it for the world;

                Not during Valentine’s week … or ever

Have a Blessed Evening!

LOVE 2020: THE LITTLE THINGS

Hi There!

Sunday evening … already

Why does the work week go so slow and the weekend so quickly?

In any event – we are entering Valentine’s Week!

And, I already got my first present.

Or, I should say I already purchased my first Valentine’s Day present –

                An early present – some flowers for my Mom and she loved them!

She still gets as excited about flowers as she did when I was a teenager

                And that was many, many … many moons ago.

I used to buy her flowers every time I got my paycheck from my job

I think I have always been intent on letting the people I care about know it –

Whether it was buying flowers, writing a letter or placing a call;

I even recall one day going forty minutes in the opposite direction of home –

Taking a trolley and walking.

I wanted to hand-deliver a card for a dear friend of mine;

The funny thing is, I knew that this individual was not home yet.

However, I wanted that person to know, as soon as they arrived home,

that someone had been thinking of them that day

It made their day!

So, why share this tonight?

Because it is the small, consistent and genuine demonstrations of love that count

Over the past several days, I have spent a good deal of time –

                Talking about the love of God [our vertical relationship]

Now, we will talk about our love for and with people [our horizontal relationships]

And, there are so many cues on how to show love –

which can be taken from the God who is love

You see, our understanding of how to love others –

flows out of our understanding of God’s

Intentional, genuine, consistent, personal … demonstrations of love

In fact, there is a verse in Scripture which states:

‘Blessed be the LORD who daily loads us with benefits’ Psalm 68:19

And if we are to take our cues from this verse, it simply means:

There are daily opportunities to show love to those around us

It is the little things that often tend to make a world of difference!

SMALL GESTURES – GRAND EFFECTS

I am not saying that you should not get Valentine’s Day presents

What I am saying is that you should not wait until Valentine’s Day –

                to express your love and appreciation for someone.

Valentine’s Day should just be one more opportunity to show your love.

So why don’t you take some time this week to express & show your love –

                Even before Valentine’s Day even gets here

Have a Blessed Evening!

LOVE: VALENTINE'S 365

Good Afternoon Friends!

I hope you all had a fabulous Valentine’s Day … FULL OF LOVE!

My intention was to write yesterday. But it turned out to be quite a day. Up at 3AM [unable to sleep]; traveled five hours for a meeting which was supposed to take all of a half hour – but ended up taking five hours; then a 6-hour drive back. Let me say that exhaustion [physical, emotional & mental], coupled with heavy traffic and crazy drivers [compounded by the fact that I am not even supposed to drive at night] – well it did not make for a great combination. I did not get home until midnight. However, on a brighter note, I finally managed to sleep in on a Saturday!

Shifting the focus off of me and back to us –

I have truly enjoyed our series on love

And, as promised, our discussion on love will continue

BECAUSE LOVE DOES NOT END WITH VALENTINE’S DAY

We need to understand –

The love that is demonstrated on Valentine’s Day…

It should be an all year thing and not a one day thing

NOW – 

I am not saying that there should be all the fanfare which accompanies Valentine’s Day

HOWEVER – 

There certainly should be the creativity and intentionality which accompanies Valentine’s Day

GENTLEMEN – if flowers are an expression of your love for that special lady, it should not only be on Valentine’s Day. It should be spontaneous and done randomly throughout the year. HINT: it would be less expensive at any other time of the year

LADIES – if you love how your guy smells, buy that special gift of cologne any time of the year to surprise him. Men appreciate unexpected thoughtful gestures as much as we ladies do. HINT: Buy the scented shower gel too and get creative planning an entire evening of romance [this hint is, of course, for my married friends]

ALL – if a special meal was the choice for a love-filled evening on Valentine’s Day, keep in mind that restaurants are open all year round. HINT: So is your kitchen…

PARENTS – if sweet surprises were the order of your love-demonstration for your family; candies, chocolates, cakes and brownies are available at any time during the year. My family loves when I make a dessert for no other reason than I thought they might enjoy it. HINT: It also gives you a plausible excuse for relaxing any dietary disciplines you might have in place J

FRIENDS – if you took time to let people know how much they are loved and thought of on Valentine’s Day; those expressions of care and concerns go a long way at all times of the year.

The main point is that we have 365 days a year to demonstrate: LOVE

We have daily opportunities to be intentional about our demonstrations of LOVE

YOU SEE – the primary reasons there such displays on Valentine’s Day is … EXPECTATION

It is understood and expected that there will be demonstrations of love

We can argue the correctness of it some other time while still recognizing the reality of it today

BUT – WHAT IS GOD’S EXPECTATION?

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” John 13:34

AND HE HAS LOVED US LAVISHLY AND LOVES US DAILY

“I have loved you  … with an everlasting [continual, never-ending, eternal, ceaseless, perpetual, undying & unending] love.” Jeremiah 31:3

HINT: That is some kind of love … we should follow suit!

I am going to go back to relaxing now … and recovering from yesterday

Praying You Have a Blessed Day

     & Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: VALENTINE'S DAY

Happy Valentine’s Day!

It is a day all about … LOVE!

And it is my favorite day of the year…

YESTERDAY – we talked about the romantic side of love

HOWEVER – we have also, in the past few weeks, talked about many different kinds of love

TODAY – whether you are single, in a dating relationship or married,

There is an opportunity to celebrate the love you have for those around you

In truth, that opportunity is there every day.

BUT – If you have a fun reason:

To buy balloons, share sweet treats or indulge in a special meal;

To let the ones you love know [once again] just how much you love them;

Why not seize that opportunity?

Praying You Have a Blessed Day

     & Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: IT IS SO ROMANTIC!

Hi There Friends!

I pray you have had a fantastic day!

I am thankful that I have made it past the middle of the week,

And that I get to continue our series on LOVE

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and my Friday!!!

TODAY – our discussion is about the romantic nature of love

LOVE IS SO ROMANTIC!   OK – NOT ALWAYS

HOWEVER – WHEN LOVE IS ROMANTIC … IT IS AMAZING! 

Of all our discussions on love –

This is one my favorite love topics

I told you I am a hopeless romantic – a staunch believer in the power of love

So, to me, powerful expressions of love just do something to me. I understand that, for some [especially if they have been single as long as I have], they do not want to hear about LOVE. However, I celebrate with those who have found love and I eagerly await the day the LORD will unfold His plans for me [whatever those plans may entail]

TODAY – I will be keeping things light. I have simply come up with two lists:

1.       My top three romantic exchanges in film [and why I find them romantic]

2.       My personal top five most romantic gestures

(Now – one thing you should know about me by now is that I do not believe in saying more than I feel is necessary to make my point. So, while a five and five list would make more natural sense – a three and five list is what I’ve prepared. I will thank you in advance for your forgiveness.)

WITH THAT SAID – LET’S GET STARTED

MOVIES & TELEVISION

Romance is a Bonus Book –

·         “When Dan-I smiles, I am happy. When Dan-I cries, my heart breaks and it drives me crazy. When she struggles, I struggle too. I miss her when she is not with me. If that’s love, I guess I love her then.”  When told that he needs to share his feelings with her and asked if he is being too careful, he responds: “Yes I’m being careful. But I’m going to be way more careful – that people might think I’m indecisive. I want to check 100 more times how deep my feelings are. I also want to wait until the day my feelings are reciprocated by hers. She’s not someone I can easily date and breakup with. To me, Dan-I is that important to me.” [Korean Netflix Series: Male lead Eun-Ho [played by Lee Jon-suk], ironically talking to his ex-girlfriend about his feelings for female lead Dan-I [played by Lee Na-young]

·         Why is this romantic? Because he is being so honest about his feelings. When we as women often think that men are always ‘cool, calm & collected’, this scene reveals some of the insecurities of men – wanting to be sure that their feelings will be reciprocated before they’ll take a chance. And, he shares how he is willing to take things slow because she is so special that he doesn’t want to mess it up. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE – Super Sweet!

The Notebook –

·       Noah asks Allie, “Will you just stay with me?” and her response is, “Stay with you? What for? Look at us – we’re already fightin’!” What happens next is quite the declaration from Noah: “Well that’s what we do, we fight … You tell me when I’m being an arrogant son-of-a-b^#*! and I tell you when you’re being a pain in the a** … which you are 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. They have  like a two-second rebound rate, and you’re back doing the next pain-in-the-a** thing ... So, it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be really hard and we’re going to have to work at this every day. But I want to do that, because I want you. I want all you forever … you and me … every day.”

·       Where’s the romance in a fight scene? First allow me to apologize for selecting a scene with some ‘flowery’ language. However, I LOVE the realness of this scene. There are no false expectations here. They both know it is going to be a challenge. However, knowing this, they still ultimately decide to make a go of it. When you are in a relationship where you can be yourself, be honest, and vulnerable and direct – WHERE YOU CAN KEEP IT 100% REAL – you have something pretty special.

To Sir With Love –

·       Very limited dialogue here … it is just a dance, ladies choice (there’s a link in the comments section). And, if you are familiar with the film, you know that the young lady in the scene is fully enamored with her teacher, Mark Thackeray who is referred to by his students simply as, ‘Sir’ [played by the ever-dashing Sidney Poitier]. Ever the gentleman and responsible adult, Sir is able to let Pamela know that there will not be anything between them. Yet, he honors his word to give her one dance and tells her at the end, “The whole world’s waiting for you … you’re a smasher!”

·       How could this possibly be romantic, you might ask? Well, there is something sweet, and tender and brilliant about falling for someone – even when it is unrequited. To me, it introduces the hope of what could be some day [not with that individual … but some day, with somebody]. For someone who might not have ever experienced those types of feelings for another, it is an awakening experience. I love the purity of this scene where they are still able to laugh, to dance and to act silly – and to part as friendly acquaintances – even when the romantic feelings are not the same. Ironically, it is not a romance film at all … more of a coming of age [maturing] movie which also tackles race relations, class and micro- & macro- inequities. It helps us understand that some relationships come into your life simply to educate you, to mature you and get you ready for what’s next. One of my all-time favorites.

NOW – LET’S TACKLE MY LIST (counting down to #1)

·       The Mom-Seatbelt: Any mom who has children knows what this is. You brake too hard in the vehicle and your protective instincts kick in and that arm immediately goes out to the right (in the States) and slams that child to the seat as if: 1. your arm is stronger than the seatbelt they are wearing 2. your arm really would stop any crushing metal forcibly coming toward your passenger if you were in a wreck. This is what he did when we almost had a head-on collision. He wasn’t concerned about himself. He wasn’t concerned about his luxury vehicle. He was concerned about my safety. Still give me chills & goosebumps!

·       Nap Time: We had not seen each other in eight years. And, sitting on a couch, I fell asleep with my head on his chest. And he sat there, his arms wrapped around me and let me sleep for almost two hours. I apologized profusely when I woke up! But he shushed me, told me it was perfectly fine; that it made him feel great that I could be completely relaxed in his presence and get some much needed rest. So sweet!

·       What I Think of You: He said, “I think you are a very intelligent woman, and beautiful … and might I add … sexy” Something about the order of those compliments … It still makes me smile!

·       Five Simple Words: He simply & sincerely said, “Tell me what you need.” Who would think that five little words could be so powerful; could evoke such a reaction? Enough said … moving on …

·       My Lady: We were walking down an avenue in Boston. It was a bit chilly and there was snow and slush and cold murky water on the streets. He took my hand, and gently guided me … to the inside of the sidewalk – so that if anything splashed up by passing vehicles, it would hit him first. That was thirty-years ago if that gives you any idea of the impact it left. There is nothing more romantic than genuine care & concern. Wow!

SO, THERE ARE THEY ARE –  MY LISTS

THERE IS NOTHING LIKE LOVE & ROMANCE

What is at the top of your romance list?

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day!!!!

Praying You Have a Blessed Evening 

     & Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: IT IS NOT LIKE ...

Hi Friends!

Only two more days until Valentine’s Day!!!

Can you tell I am just a bit excited?

I love this time of year!

Actually, I love loving on people all the time – any excuse to get creative and do something nice: Buy a gift, cook a meal, bake a cake … you name … I’m all in!

AND, NOW – we continue our discussion on LOVE

YESTERDAY – we talked about how LOVE IS NOT LIKE LUST … AND LUST IS NOT LOVE

TODAY, we will be focusing on the second area of what love is not like –

SO – where do we begin in evaluating what love is not like?

WE START AND END RIGHT HERE … LOVE IS NOT ‘LIKE’

This is important because many people confuse ‘like’ with love

And others think that love is dependent upon ‘like’

So, let’s get the confusion part out of the way first since it is easiest to tackle

If someone says, ‘I like you’ – it is a pretty safe bet to take that at face value

The have communicated they like you – AND THAT IS ALL

If they have not even communicated that … be realistic!

When someone says ‘I love you’ – however – this is a different situation

It can often be taken more serious than ‘I like you’ –

However, there should still be some corresponding action

After all, some people will say anything:

To avoid hurting your feelings, to make you feel good or to get what they want

NOW – I am not one for playing games

I don’t play them with people and my expectation is that they not be played with me

Generally speaking – I say what I mean and I mean what I say

I do not believe in playing cat & mouse, hiding & chasing games.

THAT BEING SAID HOWEVER –

I still hold onto something my pastor has shared in the past: ‘The proof is in the pursuit’

UNDERSTAND THIS –

WHAT WE WANT – WE GO AFTER – WE PURSUE IT

When we want to spend time with someone;

Even if we cannot find an extra minute in our day under normal circumstances;

We will ‘find’ time to be with that individual.

Things and relationships which are a priority to us get prioritized in our lives

If we ‘like’ someone – we might not put forth the additional effort

But if we ‘love’ someone – we are like me with Valentine’s Day – WE ARE ALL IN!

We make a conscious decision and are intentional in ensuring 'talk' with a 'credible walk’

So, ‘LOVE is LOVE’ and ‘LIKE is LIKE’ and we must not get the two confused

This brings us to the second half of our discussion on ‘LOVE IS NOT LIKE…’

AND THIS IS IT ... LOVE IS NOT DEPENDENT UPON ‘LIKE’

I always found it so sweet when I would listen to my pastor talk about how he would get off work and then drive many miles just to spend a short time with the beautiful woman who is now his wife. His story of pursuit was not a situation based upon game-playing; it was a story of commitment and determination. He may not have ‘liked’ the tiredness, the long drive or the distance between them. But he ‘loved’ her and that took precedence. I believe he understood what I am hoping to convey today.

LOVE IS NOT LIKE and LOVE IS NOT DEPENDENT UPON ‘LIKE’

Once you are in a committed relationship [marriage or serious dating] –

It is important to understand that love is not like and it is not dependent upon it

We talked about love yesterday and how love is a choice and a resolve.

This is important because there will not always be romantic feelings

And during these times, it will be necessary to rely upon the unconditional & intentional aspect of love

Love is mature when ‘like’ does not get its way and wants to behave childishly

Love says ‘I’m sorry’ even when it feels it was wronged; 

     when it does not like how it was treated

Love stays when ‘like’ walks out the door.

Love gives even when ‘like’ has faded because it feels the other person is selfish

I may not ‘like’ what someone says or does but that does not determine my ‘love’ for them

I can ‘not like’ you [at the moment] and still ‘love’ you [with a lasting love]

LOVE IS NOT LIKE and LOVE IS NOT DEPENDENT UPON ‘LIKE’

The problem arises when LIKE is made to be equal with LOVE

This is when people start making decisions which have far-reaching consequences

·       I do not like my spouse [today]; therefore, I no longer have to honor the [everyday] love commitment that I made?

·       I do not like the way my mate looks; so I can allow my eyes to wander?

Absolutely Not – 

Love honors even when it does not like; ‘love’ stays focused when ‘like’ is waning or fleeting

In my book, When Storms Rage, when discussing the need to Count the Costs,

I discuss how Jesus set the perfect example for us;

     ‘for the joy set before Him, Christ endured the cross’ Hebrews 12:2

He possessed a ‘complete and proper perspective which enabled Him to endure…’

The love Jesus had for God and for humanity [for us] overrode the dislike of His situation

Yes – that is an extreme example. 

     Generally speaking, no one  is being asked to lay down their life.

But – you might be required to lay down your pride; 

     Which can be harder [for many of us] than dying.

LOVE IS GREATER THAN LIKE

So, never allow ‘like’ [or dislike] to stand in the way of how you respond in ‘love’

And, never forget LOVE IS NOT LIKE – AND LOVE IS NOT DEPENDENT UPON ‘LIKE’

Praying You Have a Blessed Evening!

Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: IT IS NOT ...

Good Evening

I pray your week is off to a great start.

Only three more days until Valentine’s Day!!!

TODAY – we continue our discussion on LOVE;

However, we will not be focusing on the types of love and what love is;

We will be looking at what love is not

This segment in our journey is important. However, I feel I might lose a few of you.

I have struggled with whether to share this post but I must be transparent with my own failures.

Failure does not negate truth.

It may impact whether that truth is received by others – but it does not negate truth

Failure is not final. It can be utilized to create success in the lives of others

While you should learn from your own mistakes; you are miles ahead if you can learn from the mistakes of others

WITH THAT SAID – HERE IT GOES

Today is important because we will be focusing on the first of two areas I would like us to take a look at what love is not:

·         LOVE IS NOT ‘LUST’

·         LOVE IS NOT ‘LIKE’

LUST - 

We will begin with lust and follow up with like tomorrow.

LOVE IS NOT LUST & LUST IS NOT LOVE

The Cambridge dictionary defines lust as:

1. a very strong sexual desire: 2. a very powerful feeling of wanting something: 3. strong desire:

And one can lust for many things – for power, for influence, for finances.

However, for the sake of our discussion today, we will focus on the ‘very strong sexual desire’ definition. Lust is a strong desire to satisfy a fleshly hunger.

So, why is it important to understand that LOVE IS NOT LUST.

It is important because lust often gets confused with love. It is also important because it can fast-track a relationship when things should be moving  at a slower pace. And it is not just what you do physically, but what you fantasize about and what you speak about. Scripture notes that if you think lustfully, you have already committed adultery in your heart [Mt. 5:28]

I shared previously that I have not been on the dating or relationship scene for seventeen years. However – that does not mean that there has not been failure in this area. I have had conversations which would make some married people blush – conversations I am not proud of and which required me to turn [to repent] and to get back in the presence of God to get my priorities straight. I do not share this because it is comfortable or because it is anything to boast about. I share it in order to, prayerfully, help someone else avoid the same missteps and to help people understand that this is what can happen when proper boundaries are not maintained; when established boundaries are not tended to.

Is passionate conversation wrong?

No – not in and of it itself and within proper context.

The problem is when it is taken out of context and timing and rushed.

The Song of Solomon warns against arousing and awaking love [sexual desire] before it is time. [v 8:4] The Message Version of that same verse says: ‘Do not excite love, do not stir it up, until the time is ripe – and you are ready’.

‘All things should be done decent and in order’ [I Cor. 14:40].

Yet, this is not always the case, especially when lust – instead of love – is the focus.

I have been in my current home for three years – however, I still call it my ‘new house’. And, of all the things I love about my home, one the items at the top of that list has to be the fireplace. In my old house, we had a wood burning fireplace and – most likely because I lacked the discipline to get the chimney swept regularly – I probably only used twice in the fourteen years that I lived there. However, my ‘new house’ – with its three stories – is a different story. I love my fireplace and use it often. And, because it is a gas fireplace, all I have to do is hit the switch on the wall and … FIRE!!!

It is beautiful! It creates a relaxing atmosphere, it provides warmth and it is pleasant to look at. The fire and flames are mesmerizing and they make for an absolutely wonderful experience … because they are properly contained within my fireplace behind a glass enclosure.

However – if you take that same fire and place it in the center of my living room – it becomes a destructive force with the potential to harm me, to compromise the safety of my loved ones, to destroy everything I have worked to achieve and potentially impact my future as well – all because the fire was taken out of its proper setting [the fireplace].

THIS IS HOW IT IS WITH LUST

There is nothing wrong with fire – with passion [and dare I say eroticism] – in its proper context; in its proper setting  which is a committed marriage relationship between husband and wife where each is respectful of the other. Anything outside of this, however, is like that fire if it were to be placed in the center of my living room. It is foolish, dangerous, destructive and has long-lasting consequences.

I remember one of the last Christmases that I spent in Boston, MA where I grew up. It was Christmas evening and the smell from the fireplace suddenly seemed especially strong. It was because there was more burning than the logs in the hearth. My brother’s room was on fire – his cat had knocked over a candle he left burning. We were all safe and the firefighters were able to contain that damage to his room and part of the attic space near his room. However, over a year later, you could still see traces of smoke damage from the fire. And I do not believe the cat ever got rid of the dark gray color that the smoke gave him. All because of one moment of carelessness.

Likewise – a fire of passion – ignited in the wrong context and allowed to burn recklessly is simply not wise. AND IT IS NOT LOVE.

It has far-reaching and damaging effects and should be avoided by all - single and married.

Remember – you do not have to make all your own mistakes; you can learn from the mistakes of others.

LOVE IS NOT LUST – AND – LUST IS NOT LOVE

It is not love toward the other person and it is not love toward self.

‘Do you not know that he who sins sexually sins against his own body?’ [I Cor. 6:18]

And, even if there is no physical contact – there can still be the establishment of unhealthy  emotional ties and debilitating strongholds in the life of the individual – areas where guilt and shame take control, where purpose is tainted and potential is thwarted; where reputations can be destroyed, hearts broken and dreams shattered

Remember that David’s sin began with a glance. In actuality, his sin began the day he decided to neglect his boundaries and borders. ‘At the time when kings go off to war’ [II Sam. 11:1] – David was AT HOME; somewhere he should not have been, with idle time on his hands, lounging on his rooftop and clearly without accountability to himself, his wife [wives] or anyone else.

Our executive pastor shared in his sermon yesterday, “My devotion determines the direction and destiny of my life.” So I ask, ‘What will you be devoted to? Lust or Love? The desires of the flesh or the purposes of God?

I share this not to bring condemnation upon anyone or to act like I have lived the perfect life. These are questions I had to ask when I saw myself veering off course. I share this to demonstrate how easy it is to get off track. It is also my hope that something shared here will help introduce freedom into the life of one in our reading community by sharing what not to do. If you are in a romantic relationship, hopefully what has been shared will provide some pointers to help secure the borders & boundaries. If you are still seeking a romantic relationship, perhaps something here [some added perspective] will help with avoiding dangerous pitfalls and confusing lust with love.

Even if you began in lust, you can still turn and finish in love.

If you are currently in a relationship which you thought was love – and are realizing it is actually rooted in lust, lacking boundaries, out its proper context and devoid of its God intended purpose – YOU CAN TURN

The enemy may not want you to forget; the world may not ever forgive;

BUT THE LORD – He says that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation; the old is passed away, behold all things are new [II Cor. 5:17]

His mercies are new every morning.

Praying You Have a Blessed Evening!

Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: IT IS MULTI-FACETED

Good Morning & Happy Sunday – I pray your weekend is going well.

TODAY – we will continue our discussion on LOVE;

We will be taking a look at the multi-faceted nature of love when it comes to EROS LOVE

OFTEN – when researching information on love, I find that love is tackled singularly;

Looking at each of the four types individually: AGAPE, STORGE, PHILEO, EROS

However, they are all intertwined when considered in the scope of a romantic type of love.

Love is fabulous and the romantic side of love is the primary focus at this time of year.

However, that love must have its foundations in all four types of love in order to truly be successful.

YESTERDAY – We discussed in detail the importance of PHILEO LOVE

So, today I would like to follow-up by focusing on AGAPE and STORGE – as relates to EROS

At the onset of our discussion, we talked about AGAPE LOVE and how our view of God’s love has a direct impact on our ability to not only receive love from Him but to give love to and receive love from others. We are reminded that agape love is the highest expression of love. It is selfless and unconditional – it is godly. It not only speaks to the love that God has for us and has demonstrated toward us; It also speaks to the love He expects for us to have for others

• John 3:16 tells us, ‘God so loved [AGAPE] the world, that He gave His only begotten Son.’ He gave His best!
• The expectation of the LORD is conveyed in John 13:34, ‘A new command I give you: Love [AGAPE] one another. As I have loved [AGAPE] you, so you must love [AGAPE] others.’
• These sentiments are echoed in the greatest command shared by Jesus in Matthew 22:38-39 ‘You shall love [AGAPE] the LORD your God…; you shall love [AGAPE] your neighbor…’
• Lastly, we see the saints admonishing one another in I John 4:11, ‘Dear friends, since God so loved [AGAPE] us, we also out to love [AGAPE each other].

It is possible [and expected] that we should have this type of love [AGAPE LOVE] for one another. And it plays a vital role in the foundation of a romantic [EROS LOVE] relationship. However, it is not possible to know how to love this way if you do not first experience the love of God for yourself.  It must also be understood that this love – agape love – is more than a feeling; it is a resolve. This type of love – agape love – is a choice; not based upon external factors. And it lays a solid foundation for a romantic type of love.

LIKEWISE – family love [STORGE] plays an important role in romantic [EROS] love and relationships. If an individual has not had positive experiences  or role models in the area of love [STORGE], it can have an impact on how they view love, how they demonstrate love and their ability to receive love from another. Notice that I said it ‘can’ impact the individual, not that ‘it will’. If yours was not an experience where there were positive demonstrations of STORGE/FAMILY love – it is not a lifetime sentence on your ability to have positive love experiences. Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. [II Cor. 5:17] Yet, it is important to understand how your earliest experiences with love ‘can’ shape some of the perspectives you hold regarding love.

If your family was not one that was outwardly expressive with love – it can impact how you demonstrate love:

• Did they say, ‘I love you’? Or was it simply understood?
• Were there physical manifestations of love in the way of hugs?
• Was love demonstrated through the purchase and giving of gifts?
• Was love conveyed through meaningful conversation and/or time spent together?

All these things play a role in how we demonstrate love and how we believe it should be displayed –

• They shape the expectations which we carry into romantic relationships.
• Further, these earliest ideas and concepts are not easily unlearned.
• And I am not saying there is a right or wrong way  or whether something needs to be unlearned. But it is important to understand how you and your partner view and demonstrate love.

Your experiences with AGAPE, STORGE & PHILEO LOVE all have an impact on how you approach and manage EROS LOVE: It is important because, when you have an understanding on how each person views love and displays love, it will go a long way in helping to eliminate inflated & unrealistic expectations and minimize the potential for disappointment.

Are you starting to understand why I will need to extend our discussion through the end of February? This thing called love is multi-faceted and so dynamic that is a challenge to ensure it is addressed clearly, completely and succinctly.

I pray the discussion we are having on love is somewhat beneficial.

I would love to hear from you in the comments section below.

Praying You Have a Blessed Day!

Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: WHERE EROS BEGINS

Good Morning Friends

It is the weekend and I am looking forward to a fabulous one.

Let’s forget the fact that I have already been up for several hours [thank you internal alarm clock]; and the fact that the temperature has dropped roughly 40-degrees since yesterday. Today is going to be a great day! It is perfect for relaxing, reading and writing

So, let’s dive right in!

Yesterday – we talked about EROS LOVE;

How it is romantic and passionate; intensely intimate and sexual

Today – however, I would like to start with PHILEO LOVE

Why? Because I believe there must be great PHILEO LOVE to experience great EROS LOVE

There must be a mutual admiration, respect and love for one another.

Recall how we noted that while EROS LOVE has sexual elements; 

It is not solely defined by sex

EROS LOVE and sex are two different elements. 

And while both can be present in a relationship, they are not equal and interchangeable.

You can have sex which could, in the worst scenario, actually be a violent attack

-        NOT EROS LOVE

You can have sex which is erotic & enticing to one and debasing & humiliating to the other

-        NOT EROS LOVE

You can have sex which falls outside of the originally planned context

-        NOT EROS LOVE [and something we will discuss when we revisit boundaries]

-        Scripture tells us how, ‘a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh … [how] Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.’ Genesis 2:24-25

-        The LORD designed men and women brilliantly and perfectly!

Understand that for every perfect plan of God; the enemy has designed a cheap counterfeit our lives and to keep us from experiencing God’s best for our lives.

I believe this is how EROS LOVE has become synonymous with sex.

It is sexual and passionate but it is not merely or necessarily sex.

True EROS LOVE has its roots in many types of love - which will be discussing in more detail [*As an aside – I think we might end up taking our LOVE discussion through the end of February]

IN ANY EVENT – 

This is why I believe the best EROS LOVE begins in the realm of PHILEO LOVE.

You will recall that phileo love is a mutual love, appreciation and affection.

NOW, the majority of your PHILEO relationships will not develop into EROS love [that would be strange and a discussion for another day]. HOWEVER, the very best EROS relationships must include a foundation of PHILEO LOVE. This is my belief.

When I think about my best friendships, they are based upon:

-        Mutual Respect

-        Mutual Sharing & Growing

-        Trust

-        Vulnerability

-        Generosity

-        Thoughtfulness

-        Selflessness

-        Genuine Feelings of Good Will

-        Honesty; the very truest form, the kind that hurts sometimes but that echoes the sentiments in Proverbs 27:6 which reminds us that even the ‘wounds’ of a friend can be trusted. There is a saying, ‘you shall know the truth and it shall set you free.’ However, I have long been a proponent of the idea that, ‘you shall know the truth and it shall make you mad – long before it sets you free.’ Yet, the best PHILEO relationships embrace this because the intention behind the honesty is never to harm – it is always based on the desire for the other person to experience their best life possible

-        Shared Principles; this is not the same as shared ideas and perspectives. It is however, based upon similar core values. My very best PHILEO relationships are those where we share the same core values and are able to build one another up in faith and based upon godly principles.

This list could go on –

And, what would EROS relationships look like if more had their start and foundation in PHILEO LOVE? What would the divorce rate look like?

Think about your past relationships – EROS relationships;

For the relationships which were not successful and that ended, were there items from our PHILEO relationship list that were lacking?

For the EROS relationship you have currently;

What items on our list play a role in the effectiveness of the relationship?

What items on the list, if present in greater measure, could make the relationship even better?

EROS LOVE – 

IT IS A LOT MORE THAN WHAT IT HAS BEEN MADE OUT TO BE

AND IT MATTERS WHERE YOU BEGIN

Praying You Have a Blessed Day!

Wishing You Much Love …