Elementary? No, It’s Pre-School!

Elementary – it is a term used to describe a grade level at which someone learns and also the complexity of a task or issue. With respect to discussing a topic, when one says, ‘That is elementary’ – it is supposed that the topic being discussed is one of ease, that certain foundational principles are assumed or that it is so basic in its complexity that a child could grasp it.

Along that vein, I had an interesting discussion with a friend yesterday. She was expressing frustration with the lack of assistance she was receiving from her husband with raising their child and helping around the house. She stated how she ‘nags’ (even though she know she shouldn’t) in hopes that her concerns will be heard and that it will help change the actions/ in-action of her husband.  I simply encouraged her in what I am certain that she already knows (but struggles to execute consistently):

·         Do not nag
·         Pray about it
·         Reject negativity by all means
·         Create a positive environment with your words/actions
·         Do not modify your behavior because of someone else’s

Basic Coaching 101

 

In moments like this, however, most people do not want to hear what is needed, they want to hear what they want to hear. I have long made the observation, ‘You shall know the truth and … it will make you mad … long before it sets you free.’ Even still, I kept encouraging her to do all things unto the LORD, to take the issues to Him in prayer and to let the Holy Spirit do His work. Most of us have trouble overcoming the problem behaviors and attitudes in our own lives. Yet we insist upon doing the Holy Spirit's job. Rest assured, the same way He rapidly addresses us when we do wrong, He is well-able to do with others, if we would only get out of the way. Yet, as I continued to explain to her the futility in constantly nagging and the fact that you cannot change another person, she countered with this comment of frustration: ‘My daughter comes to me for everything, she won’t even go to him …’

Here was an ‘aha!’ moment … one that helped drive home the point

Her daughter, who is not even 3-years old yet and is in pre-school, is using wisdom greater than most adults. So I asked my friend, ‘Why does she come to you?’ Her response, ‘Because I actually help her.’ And I told her, ‘That is exactly my point! Because you have demonstrated a faithfulness in responding to your daughter’s needs, she knows that she can trust you – to listen, to interact and to address whatever the need may be.’

Yet as adults, we do the exact opposite.

We nag to someone who will not listen and tell ourselves, ‘I’ll keep talking/nagging and one day they will listen.’ We express our needs by pouring out our heart to someone who refuses to respond and subconciously tell ourselves, ‘Yes! I’ll keep doing that … even though it leaves me frustrated and empty.’

So I asked her, ‘Why do you keep going to an empty well? Why aren’t you taking a cue from your daughter? She comes to you because you can be trusted to respond.' At her young age, she has figured out that you go where the need gets met.' So I went on to say, 'By your own admission, all your talking is falling on deaf ears. So, why do you keep taking your problems to someone who clearly is not attentive - all while you have a big God who is ready, willing and able to address your need?' We can find everything we need in Christ, yet we keep running to other inferior and unsatisfying sources. We all have done it at some point in our lives, in some manner.

NOW – let me pause here and correct something before it has a chance to go wrong. I am not saying that you should not communicate with your spouse. Communication is important to a healthy marriage – and effective communication is essential. Yet that communication should begin with bringing it to the One who can actually do something about it – it should begin with prayer. We should take our issues to our Heavenly Father, to the Parent who will do something. He will not fail.

‘If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!’ Matthew 7:11

God has promised that when we call, He will hear (Jer. 33:3). When we ask, He will respond (Is.65:24). When we bring Him our need, He will supply what is needed(I Peter 5:7). Our task then is to turn to Him with every need.  Take the problem to the One who has the solution.

Elementary?

NO – It's actually pre-school!
 

‘The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.’ Isaiah 58:11