the hurting hurt

‘This is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘Return to Me’, declares the LORD Almighty, ‘and I will return to you’, says the LORD.’  Zechariah 1:3

 

Earlier this year, I wrote a post about ‘the hurting’

It was focused on a gentleman I happened to meet in the store one day. He shared some of his challenges that he experienced, and, in the course of sharing, he mentioned challenges he faced at work due to harassment from some people.

In that post, I noted: ‘… not all bullies mature and change – sometimes they just grow up to become bigger bullies’

I meant what I said – and still do

And I would never make an excuse for someone’s vicious behavior toward another human being. However, there is always another perspective – even when considering the meanness of people

 I am currently in school taking a behavior modification course

And, for some reason, my class assignment this week had me thinking of the hurting - not those who suffer hurt like the gentleman I met but those who do the hurting

I was reading a section of the book Behavior Modification where it notes “behavioral research with nonhuman subjects demonstrated that aggressive behavior and other emotional responses may occur when painful stimuli are presented …”¹

So what does that mean?

It means when a subject experienced a painful stimuli, that same subject lashed out. Further, the subject lashed out at one who was not responsible for presenting the painful stimuli. Their fury rested on the nearest target they could find.

This process is not unique to nonhuman subjects

It is true of human individuals as well

It is a well-established fact that hurt people hurt people

The first documented act of premeditated murder demonstrates this

Cain and Abel, the first brothers mentioned in the Bible both presented offerings to the LORD. Abel gave the fat portions from the firstborn of his flock and Cain gave an offering as well. And Scripture notes:

‘The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering He did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.

Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.” Genesis 4:4-8

Our Scripture reference is lengthy today – please accept my apologies. But it is necessary to understand the whole story.

Rejection is a powerful and painful stimuli

Yet we must  each own our individual reactions

‘We are tempted when we are drawn away and trapped by our own evil desires. Then our evil desires conceive and give birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.’ James 1:14-15

Giving birth to death – what a concept

Sin gives life to a life-taking source

Cain allowed his anger to fester, to mushroom and then to drive him to murder his own brother. But, understand, there is nothing to indicate that Abel actually did anything to Cain. So what was Abel guilty of? What was his great sin?

What did Abel do that was deserving of a murder sentence?

He was loved and approved of by the Father – that is all

Amazing isn’t it? 

What one small seed of rejection can blossom into when planted and cultivated. The sin of jealousy, bitterness and uncontrolled anger – will make one do the unthinkable. It will cause brother to turn against brother, child against parent,  husband against wife – created against the Creator.

What makes me believe that rejection played a role in Cain’s heinous acts?

When confronted with his sin and forced with facing the consequences of his action, his first thoughts and comments were this, “My punishment is more than I can bear … You are driving me from the land and I will be hidden from Your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.' Genesis 4:13-14

It was not until after he voiced words pointing to his concern of being separated from the LORD, that he made mention of his physical safety.

Hurt people hurt people

The hurting hurt others - sometimes

We cannot know for certain why Cain killed Abel or what motivated him

We also understand that not all people who have been hurt hurt others

Yet, sin is always crouching at the door – and we must master it

Cain’s sin against his brother was egregious

He killed his brother, caused grief for his parents and hurt the LORD

Yet the LORD – even after all this – still loved Cain

And He made provision for Cain’s protection.

What a mighty, loving and indescribably gracious God we have!

 

Today – I am praying

I am praying for those who have been hurt by those who are hurting

I am asking God’s hand of protection for those being plotted against

And, I am praying for the hurting who hurt others and themselves

I am praying they would have a genuine encounter with the LORD; one that would take them from feeling hurt and rejected to healed and restored

I am also praying for you.

 

Have a Blessed Day!

 

‘To all who mourn in Israel He will give: beauty for ashes;

joy instead of mourning; praise instead of heaviness.’

Isaiah 61:3

 

¹ Miltenberger, R. (2016). Behavior modification principles and procedures. Cengage Learning.

love loves

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” I Corinthians 13:4-8

 

Happy Friday!

I trust and pray all is well with you –

And that you are taking time to love – Love God, Love People, Love You

Yesterday we talked about love looks and how love looks with love

With a heart of grace, mercy and compassion

Yet we must understand that love not only looks with love – love loves

Love is not a concept or notion – Love is actively engaged in the process of loving

Loving God, Loving Others, Loving Self

We noted in our post a few days ago that ‘love will make you do some things’

If your love does not prompt you to action – you must question whether it is truly love

When we visited the Book of Ruth, we saw love in action in the lives of each character

The love Ruth had for Naomi moved her to move away from family, friends and country

The love Naomi had for her daughter-in-law prompted her to help her

The feelings Boaz had for Ruth were evidenced by what he was willing to do for her

'God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.’ John 3:16

It was the love of the LORD which inspired the action of giving

‘… Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us …’ Ephesians 5:2

It was the love of Christ that was the catalyst of His sacrifice

Anyone who does not act in love … does not love

‘Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.’ I John 4:8

what is your love saying? what is your love doing?

Is your love moving you to love?

I love you is one of the easiest things to say

I love you is much more difficult, but much more meaningful to show

‘by this will they know you are My disciples – if you have love one for another’ John 13:35

It is by the love we show one another – not the words we say to one another

What you do will often scream so much louder than what you say

Is your love serving as a springboard for acts of love?

If your love is not prompting you to action – you must question whether it is truly love

 

Have a Blessed Day!

 

‘ let everything you do be done in love’

I Corinthians 16:14

love looks

We have made it past the midpoint and we are sliding into the homestretch,

                Looking toward the weekend with loving thoughts of rest

And we are still talking about love

Again – we could look at love every February and never run out of material

Today we will be taking one last glance at the book of Ruth for ... love looks

I could not leave the book of Ruth without talking a bit more about Boaz

He is an interesting gentleman – not everyone’s pick, but interesting

Perhaps he was wealthy but 'not quite wealthy enough'

Perhaps he was not that handsome – there is no way to tell

But we do know he was older than Ruth and that he was still single

I don't know if Boaz was looking for love, waiting for love or if he was perfectly content

It is possible he might have been shunned because his mom was a former prostitute

                People will judge you by your associations and your past all the time

I cannot say with certainty that was the reason he was still single

But I am confident his past played a role in his treatment of Ruth

Boaz noticed something unique about Ruth – 

'All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character' Ruth 3:11

He likely saw some of the same qualities that he viewed growing up:

Courage, boldness & zeal – characteristics held by his mom, Rahab

Yes, his mom was Rahab, the famed harlot from the book of Joshua [Joshua 2:1, Mt. 1:5]

She was the Rahab who helped the spies when Israel got ready to lay siege to Jericho

She was a foreigner who helped God’s people and then came to live among them – just like Ruth

 

Your earliest reflections of love often shape your look of love

Yet, it does not matter the reasons which shaped Boaz’s response,

What matters is that he was able to look with love and with a heart of compassion

– on a foreigner in a strange land

He was able to look past her past and the fact that she was a poor widow

He was able to respond with kindness – to the kindness extended to him

‘The LORD bless you [Boaz replied] … this kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now … don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask …’ Ruth 3:10-11

Boaz understood ‘love looks with love’

And it is alright  that Boaz might not have been everyone’s favorite

Because all that matters is that he became Ruth’s favorite when he looked on her with love

 

Have a Blessed Day!

‘ Praise be to the God and Father of our LORD Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves received from God.’

II Corinthians 1:3-4

LOVE 2020: AMAZING LOVE

Good Evening Friends …

I made it through the week!

Seems a bit melodramatic?

Perhaps, but I actually had my doubts this week

In any event –

The weekend is indeed here

And, I get to spend a few moments with you

Today – we will be discussing … what else but love?

AMAZING LOVE!!!

It could actually be a Part II to our talk yesterday;

You see, Intentional Love & Amazing Love are closely inter-twined

In the book of Hosea in the Bible,

The LORD instructs the prophet Hosea to take a wife –

And not just any wife – a woman named Gomer

a “promiscuous woman”, a “harlot”, a “whore”

NOW – we do not have time here to delve into all of the ‘WHYS’

SO – for the sake of time, we will focus on the ‘WHAT’

AND – the ‘WHAT’ in the book of Hosea is a depiction of AMAZING LOVE

               

The LORD was specific and intentional in His direction

And the prophet was obliging

In our current, modern day, it would be akin to accessing the sex-traffic trade

                to find a bride

Now a relationship can be difficult enough if you get blind-sided;

     where you realize later that the individual you have chosen has problems with fidelity.

It is another matter entirely, choosing someone with known challenges

YET –

This is exactly how God love us

‘God demonstrates His love for us in that: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.’ Romans 5:8

‘[in His love] He chose us in Christ [actually selected us for Himself as His own] before the foundation of the world’ Ephesians 1:4 AMP

THAT IS INTENTIONAL & AMAZING LOVE

Now – in the story of Hosea,

He marries Gomer, builds a life with her, has a family with her

                But she ultimately goes astray – back to what is familiar

Sometimes we get so damaged in life – that we do not know how to receive love

But, goes back for her again, searching for her diligently – INTENTIONALLY

And Hosea finally finds her – with another man,

adding “adulteress” to the ‘flowery’ list of adjectives used to describe her

And he buys her back – to bring her back home again

AMAZING, DELIBERATE, INTENTIONAL LOVE

This is how the LORD loves each and every one of us!

He bought us back at an amazing price – with the blood of His Son

When we were lost in our sin, He came to take us for Himself,

                To cleanse us and make us whole

And we, like Gomer, still go astray – even after we have been redeemed.

And He diligently and purposefully searches us out and says,

‘Return to Me .. I AM still here ... I love you with an everlasting love’

AMAZING, AMAZING, INTENTIONAL LOVE!

I was listening to a song on my way home this evening –

‘Love Moved First’ by Casting Crowns

And there is a section of the song which states:

‘You didn’t wait for me – to find my way to You;

I couldn’t cross that distance – even if I wanted to;

You came running after me –

When anybody else would have turned and left me at my worst;

Love moved first’

INDEED!

THAT IS AMAZING & INTENTIONAL LOVE

Have a great evening … 

God Bless & Much Love  

You're not yourself ...

Good Evening Friends!

Happy Sunday… what is left of it. Needless to say, my hope was to have this post completed and ready for publication before now. However, today has been a busy day. And, the weather is not helping. It has been raining all day and it is quite cold [to me anyway]. Don’t get me wrong … I am thankful that it is not snow. But it has been a dreary day just the same.

It has had me thinking about my MinPin who passed away last summer. He was such a good boy … but he hated days like this! I would try to coax him out of his blanket to get him to go outside and he would stubbornly refuse. If I would push too hard, he would actually start his low, slow growl – gently letting me know that I was getting on his nerves. His growls I could take. It was even a little laughable being that he was twelve inches tall and all of ten pounds. However, there were other times, like the time he got something stuck in his paw, that his animal instincts took over and he actually snipped at me. He would immediately feel bad after I would let out a yell letting him know his bite – however little – still packed a punch and it still hurt. His intention was not to hurt me. So what would make my sweet little dog act outside of his normal character?

YOU ARE NOT YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE ...

… OR HURTING

But what does this have to do with us?

Yesterday I shared a post about being willing to stay in the fire until someone else can see Jesus.

Yet, what do you do when those you must stay in the flames for are the same who pushed you in [or stoked who the fire while you were going through]?

FIRST –

You take a moment to remind yourself that people are not themselves when they are broken or hurting. Remind yourself that pain can make people act in ways that might be completely contrary to your preference and completely contrary to their nature in normal circumstances. Take time to remember times when you have been hurt or broken; times when you have uttered a harsh or impatient word or acted in a manner outside your normal character.

THEN –

You stick with the task at hand, follow the lead of the faithful individuals that walked before us and continue your trek through the flames until someone [or multiple some ones] are able to see Jesus for themselves, are able to receive salvation for themselves, are able to receive comfort for themselves, are able to walk in newness of life for themselves.

LASTLY –

Remember – it is never solely about you.

This does not mean that you become a doormat for people – or that you subject yourself to repeated abusive treatment. You can continue to walk through the fire, forgive people and love them from a distance [if needed].

Job – he stayed the course that the LORD set him upon. He walked through his firestorm of trials and pain and suffering – and then he prayed for his friends and was reconciled to his siblings, neighbors and associates. [Job 42:10]

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego – they walked through literal flames long enough for their persecutors to see Jesus – and then they were promoted to a place of authority where they would be positioned to help some of those same people. [Daniel 3:19-30]

Understand that He has made us ministers of reconciliation. [2 Cor. 5:18-21]

Those who can be trusted with flame [a passion for the LORD & for the lost and the hurting] can likewise be trusted in the flames. However, your mission will promptly be aborted if you allow offense to take root, if you fail to understand that people are not themselves when they are broken, if you allow it to impact your commitment to the God-assignment on your life.

Understanding some of the ‘why’ which lays behind the ‘what’ [the reasons behind the actions of others] can go a long way in helping us to maintain focus and stay the course that the LORD has placed us on.

Again … a little perspective helps make any challenge a little more bearable.

Praying the rest of your evening is restful and that your week is purpose-filled.

Have a Blessed Evening!   

grace ... grace ...

Good Afternoon Friends …

I pray your day has been great thus far. I am already working on a four day weekend – I left work early today. What a blessing!

And, as we all get ready for Thanksgiving – and head into weeks of holiday time – I wanted to take a couple of moments to talk about GRACE.

WHAT ABOUT GRACE?

Webster’s online dictionary has a number of definitions for that word GRACE. However, this is the one that I would like to focus on today:

 : disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency

An individual who is graceful would possess this quality. They would have a disposition [nature, character, temperament] towards kindness [thoughtfulness, compassion, gentleness], courtesy [consideration, politeness, civility] or clemency [MERCY & FORGIVENESS]

Grace is important because we live in a world where pain is inevitable

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a love 'greater than pain ...'

In that post, I noted how “Inevitably, there will come a moment in every relationship where someone will do something, or you will do something that will cause a 'rift' in the relationship”

This season is famous for those situations occurring as there are multiplied opportunities for increased interactions with family, friends, used-to-be-friends, colleagues and strangers.

But why are there so many opportunities for things to go awry?

I believe it driven by two primary factors: ACTIONS and INTENTIONS

Our relationships are shaped by actions and intentions.

And, our responses to others are based upon our assessment of actions and intentions.

I was discussing this with a co-worker of mine this week. She was sharing a situation where someone said something to her that caused an occasion for offense. In listening to what she said, I acknowledged the pain it likely inflicted. However, I also took the opportunity to share my understanding of how it could happen so easily. And here it is:

WE OFTEN JUDGE OURSELVES BY OUR INTENTIONS, AND OTHERS BY THEIR ACTIONS

We’ll pardon ourselves when we have offended someone by reminding ourselves that we had the best intentions. Yet, we will become hurt and irate with others based upon their actions – giving little or no thought to the intentions behind their words or deeds. I then asked my co-worker to think about our own friendship when she has said something to me that [while well-intentioned] did not produce a great result. I reminded her that she likely had the best of intentions – just like the person who gave her cause to be offended.

HOWEVER –

There are times when the best of intentions can still create the worst of outcomes

And wouldn’t you know it, two days after talking to my friend, I had the exact same situation – only I was the cause of the offense. Best of intentions – worst outcome

And while I apologized swiftly – because I would never want to be the cause for even a moment of discomfort in the life of another person – it has to be understood that you cannot always repair the damage which has been done.

As I thought about my own situation, my thoughts gravitated toward Peter. You see Peter was famous in the area of actions and intentions. He was bold, and passionate and impulsive, well-intentioned but often missing the mark. That is probably why he is one of my favorite disciples. I identify with him in many respects. Yet, despite his great intentions, he often ended up with a horrible outcome.

HERE’S THE THING –

Despite Peter’s well-intentioned declaration of commitment to Christ (Mk. 14:29) and his bold actions in the garden of cutting off a soldier’s ear (Jn. 18:10) to protect Jesus, it still resulted in his ultimate denial of Christ (Jn. 18:15-27) – the worst possible outcome ... especially since his actions caused great pain to someone he loved deeply.

BUT GOD –

I am so thankful for all of the ‘But God …’ situations and circumstances in the Word and in life. What I love about being in relationship with the LORD, though, is that the end is never the end.

You the LORD is the master of reconciliation. And Jesus came and basically gave Peter a ‘do over’ and restored him to fellowship. (John 21:15-25) That is what I love about Jesus!

JESUS EXTENDED MERCY AND GRACE

YET WE –

You and I are flawed and we may not always have the opportunity or the ability to set things right. Therefore – take the opportunity in advance of acting or reacting, speaking or responding to: SLOW DOWN

To assist toward that end, I would like to close by sharing two phrases that I try [not always successfully] to keep in the forefront of my mind:

§  All truth is good … but not all truth is good to say

§  Just because you can do a thing … it does not mean that you should

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Better to avoid the occasions for offense altogether than to try to repair them.

HOWEVER –

Should there be an offense, try to presume the best intentions [and not the worst]

Should you be the offense [or cause of it], don’t make excuses that the other person is too sensitive ...  APOLOGIZE

And, in all matters, as you have occasion – EXTEND GRACE

To others when they have wronged you and to yourself when you’ve missed the mark

During this weekend of Thanksgiving … let’s also do some gracegiving

Praying that all your relationships, interactions and gatherings will be grace-filled…

Have a Wonderful Evening and a Happy Thanksgiving!