LOVE: IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS

Hi There Friends!

I pray you have had a fantastic week!

It is hard to believe we have reached the end of February already

And with that end comes the close of our focus on LOVE

I have thoroughly enjoyed this series!

With all we have discussed about LOVE,

I know no better place to end than with this powerful reminder:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” I Cor. 13:4-7

I also love the way the Message Version defines LOVE:

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

Love doesn’t strut,

Doesn’t have a swelled head,

Doesn’t force itself on others,

Isn’t always “Me first,”

Doesn’t fly off the handle,

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies

When you meditate on the definition of love and apply it to every relationship;

You will be absolutely amazed at the result!

Love for God, Love for Self, Love for Others –

There is nothing like the power of TRUE LOVE

Praying You Have a Blessed Evening

Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: LOVE & INTIMACY PT III

Good Morning Friends!

Yes, it is pretty early in the morning – it is almost 2 AM.

I’ve been incognito for a few days. And while I was busy – I was not that busy.

Truth is, as much as I would love to adhere to a routine in writing –

I find I can only write when I feel inspired to do so.

SO HERE WE ARE – We are continuing our discussion on LOVE

We are nearing the end of the month and almost to the end of our love journey;

Which we should know by now – it is not really the end

Love does not end – this is just the beginning

TODAY’S TOPIC: LOVE & INTIMACY PT III - FREEDOM

AT THE ONSET OF OR INTIMACY TALK – We discussed spiritual intimacy with God

A FEW DAYS AGO – I talked about natural intimacy [physical, sexual and relational]

TODAY – I would like to round out this topic and will likely touch on a bit of both

In our chat on relational intimacy, you will recall how I shared that:

INTIMACY IS KNOWLEDGE – PURE AND SIMPLE

It is pure and simple while at the same time powerful and significant. In discussing some of the potential pitfalls, I expressed some of the dangers of becoming relationally intimate with the wrong person. I shared this under the header of ‘Intimacy in Marriage’ but the truth is that it applies to all. As noted in that post, 'You can share information with anyone. However … you must ask yourself whether it is the wise thing to do.

‘Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.’ I Corinthians 6:12

Relational intimacy is a powerful thing. It is a relationship stabilizer, a solid foundation – a bridge which connects two hearts and creates deep and lasting emotional & spiritual bonds.

Relational intimacy can also be a dangerous thing. I shared during our last talk that, ‘If you have to beg someone to share information about themselves, they are not interested in a meaningful relationship with you.’ I went on to state, ‘Relational intimacy involves a desire and intention to know someone and to be known by them.’ However, it is often the unfortunate instance – in their quest to create a bond – individuals will share too much intimate knowledge, too soon, and with someone who should not have the privilege of knowing those details about you.

YOU SEE –

Done incorrectly [with the wrong person] – the sharing of information can be undervalued, used as a manipulative device and abused. It does not always happen. But, there is the potential for it. You are probably familiar with the phase ‘knowledge is power’. Well, it is. And, this is why it is vital to be extremely careful in who you disclose information to and who you receive information from.

HOWEVER –

When done correctly, relational intimacy [and the love which it fosters] has an ability to produce FREEDOM.

FREEDOM TO BE HONEST

§  ‘You will know the truth and the truth will set you free’ Jn. 8:32

§  ‘…speaking the truth in love, we grow up’ Eph. 4:15

§  ‘Wounds from a friend can be trusted’ Prov. 27:6

§  ‘An honest answer is like a warm hug’ Prov. 24:26 MSG

§  Some versions of Proverbs 24:26 state that an honest answer is like a kiss on the lips

FREEDOM TO BE VULNERABLE

§  ‘They were naked and unashamed’ Gen. 2:25

§  Understand that nakedness could be physical, emotional or spiritual

FREEDOM TO BE COURAGEOUS

§  ‘Be strong and courageous … for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you’ Deut. 31:6

§  The love of God gives courage. Likewise, when we love one another [the way God loves us], we encourage, empower and uplift one another – to be the very best versions of ourselves.

FREEDOM TO LOVE

§  ‘We love because He first loved us’ I Jn. 4:19

§  We have the freedom to love Him and be loved by Him

§  We have the freedom to love others and to allow ourselves to be loved

There is a song I have been listening to lately called ‘Sails’ by Pat Barrett.

Something in this song has been resonating with me on multiple levels:

‘Falling is easy, but staying in love is hard

Hard to be honest and keep our heart open

To be who we truly are

Without the excuses, without the façade

There’s no pretending

Here in your love’

The chorus of that song goes on to state, 

'I let out the sails of my heart; here I am here you are’

Every time I listen to this song, this wave of peace and wonder and anticipation washes over me.

The Word of God states that ‘Perfect love casts out fear.’ I John 4:18

This is so true.

Love and intimacy casts out the fear of rejection;

It casts out the need for pretense – affording the freedom to be yourself

It takes you from a place of being closed and guarded and protected;

It creates in you a willingness to be honest and vulnerable - to trust

It unfurls the sails of your heart – 

It enables you to catch a fresh breeze; to take a deep breath

It gently – and sometimes powerfully – propels you forward;

It enables you to go places you never dreamed – 

It allows you to discover and experience love you have only ever hoped for.

LOVE & INTIMACY – IT IS A POWERFUL THING

SPIRITUALLY – I feel like GOD and I are back at place in our relationship where I had not been in a while. Notice, I stated ‘where I had not been in a while’. He never moved. But you will recall how, in our discussion on spiritual intimacy, I shared, ‘we run the risk [and actually face the high probability] of losing intimacy with God, when we lose focus, get distracted, stop listening and stop communicating’. This happened to me last year – and probably started before then.

But now, He and I are back –

We are back to that place of deep intimacy, but at the same time some place entirely new and different. But I also feel as though He is preparing me for something in the natural. I can’t explain it fully. However, it feels like He is aligning things – pushing together the pieces of a puzzle to bring together a complete a picture of what He’s been working on all this time. Hard to explain …

In any event, I’ve included a link to that song ‘Sails’ in the comments section below. I hope you enjoy!

Praying You Have a Blessed Day

Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: LOVE & INTIMACY PT II

Good Evening Friends!

We are almost at the end of this week.

The time is going quickly. LORD I thank You for it; help me to make it all count.

TO THAT END – I am thankful for the opportunity to spend a few moments with you as we continue our discussion on LOVE

Today’s topic: LOVE & INTIMACY – Relational, Physical & Sexual

YESTERDAY – we talked about some of the things that impact spiritual intimacy with GOD

TODAY – I would like to discuss intimacy in natural relationships

YOU WILL RECALL – it has been some time since I have been in a relationship. However, there are a great many things I have learned from past relationships and that I have gleaned through study and observance.

THAT BEING SAID – 

I BELIEVE IT IS FIRST IMPORTANT TO LOOK AT THE DEFINITION OF INTIMACY

FIRST – we have the definition of intimacy which focuses on the relational aspect

THEN – we have the definition of intimacy which focuses on the physical aspect

AND – the differences are important because so often physical & sexual intimacy can become too much of a focus; while relational intimacy can be downplayed or minimized in significance.

§  You can have physical intimacy without having sex;

§  You can have sex – for a while – without relational intimacy;

§  You can have intense relational intimacy without engaging in physical or sexual intimacy

When you consider all three in the context of relationships, the lines can blend and blur

Therefore, I would like to take a look at all three

SEXUAL & PHYSICAL INTIMACY

Sexual & Physical Intimacy – these are not the same thing

Physical intimacy is a type of intimacy –

It can manifest in the manner of a hug, a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold [and might not be sexual at all]. Many people have their own ideas about what Jesus meant when He said, ‘The Son of Man has no place to lay His head.’ Luke 9:58 However, I believe it also is applicable when discussing physical intimacy. Where do you lay your head when you are exhausted? Who is that person whose arms feel like home? When I talked about my top five romantic gestures, having a place to lay my head was on the list – a place to rest my weary mind. And it was not sexual at all … but it was physically intimate. I’m not sure I am explaining this the way I would like but I hope you are understanding my point.

Now, when it comes to sexual intimacy –

I tend to view it as more of an expression of intimacy

Again you can have sex and not have intimacy. There are times, in a marriage, where a couple might still engage in the act of sexual intimacy even though the relational intimacy died some time ago. In these instances – I believe – the  sexual aspect of intimacy will eventually fade as well. This happens [again, my belief and not a rule] since it is difficult to truly and meaningfully be engaged in sexual intimacy without the relational intimacy. You cannot know how to please someone else if you do not know them intricately and trust & honor them unequivocally. Now, if you are in it just for what you can get out of it, you might be able to do that for quite some time without any relational intimacy – but that is a discussion for another day.

RELATIONAL INTIMACY

This is where I like to focus since it is – in my estimation – at the core of all intimacy between two people

INTIMACY IS KNOWLEDGE – PURE AND SIMPLE

It is pure and simple while at the same time powerful and significant

INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

We will start with some of the pitfalls since many a married person has gotten into a world of trouble sharing relational intimacy with the wrong person. Understand that, when you start sharing hopes and dreams, insecurities and frustrations with someone other than your spouse; you have trekked onto dangerous ground. Some would think it harmless because nothing physical is taking place yet. However, it must be understood that, relational intimacy [especially in-depth & intense relational intimacy] will very often lead to physical and/or sexual intimacy. Remember, sexual intimacy is an expression of relational intimacy [not the only expression, but an expression nonetheless]. You can share information with anyone. However, if you want to protect the total intimacy of your marriage, you must ask yourself whether it is the wise thing to do. ‘Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.’

Now, when intimacy is working within a married relationship, it is a powerful thing. Have you ever observed relational intimacy in action? I have and it is a marvelous and awe-inspiring thing to behold. It causes individuals to transcend beyond the adoration of someone just being their spouse to a tangible and intense partnership where it is visible the value which the two individuals hold for each other in relation to their God-purpose and potential. It is full of encouragement and spurring one another on toward good works. It is a process where – through knowing one another intimately – two people are able to work collaboratively, to be candid with one another, to motivate and inspire each other to be their best selves.

INTIMACY IN COURTING

Now, my single friends are not getting off the hook so easy. Because, while it is easy to identify some of the intimacy pitfalls within a marriage, there are just as many opportunities for missteps outside of [or leading up to] a marriage relationship. Indeed, many a single person has wasted precious time investing in a relationship which lacked relational intimacy. Word of Caution: If you have to beg someone to share information about themselves, they are not interested in a meaningful relationship with you. Relational intimacy involves a desire and intention to know someone and to be known by them. It mirrors the intimate relationship we have with the LORD. And, engaged in thoughtfully and carefully, relational intimacy can go a long way in establishing lasting bonds between two people.

I think we may need to spend one more day on intimacy – but that is all for now.

Praying You Have a Blessed Evening

Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: LOVE & INTIMACY PT I

Good Evening Friends!

We are past the midpoint of the week!

I pray you had an absolutely wonderful day

It is rainy here in Virginia Beach but I am still full of energy.

I have this wonderful sense that God is in the midst of doing something – PHENOMENAL!

I am also excited to continue our discussion on LOVE

Today’s topic: LOVE & INTIMACY PT I

NOW – I will ask you to bear with me today since I will be tackling this subject from a somewhat different angle than I might ordinarily. I would like to talk about some of the things that contribute to a loss of intimacy with God.

FOR ME – the most recent & applicable example that comes to mind would be my own life

AND – contrary to what it might appear on this blog, I am actually a very private person

SO – this will be a bit of a stretch for me

It all started the beginning of last year –

Ok, it actually began well before that, but last year is when it all began to really unravel. However, I should have known it was going to be an eventful year. Four days in – January 2018 – we had some of the worst snow our region has had in some time. And, unable to get to my mom’s by car, my son and I walked about five miles in twelve inches of snow in subfreezing temps. We both had hypothermia by the time we reached her place at midnight.

But that was just the beginning –

That wonderful experience was followed by an unexpected and substantial financial reversal; then my mom was removed from her home by family and thrown into a horrendous nursing home [a stay which started with individuals telling me that if I did not meet their demands, I would never see her again and ending with her being abused while she was in said facility]. This was followed by the death of my seventeen year old Min-Pin, more financial setbacks, a hospitalization for my mom [with a notice that we needed to look into hospice care] and then her being forced into another less than satisfactory facility.

The LORD finally enabled me to get her somewhere safer in December. But, the challenges throughout the year were somewhat surreal. I even went to counseling at one point – figuring that it would be a bit hypocritical of me if I did not at least give it a try [being that I am studying Psychology with a focus on Christian Counseling]. Well, two sessions in – with my counselor on the couch with tears in her eyes and me sitting in the chair giving her feedback on her business – I thought to myself, ‘Something is wrong with this picture; something really is not right here!’

I had to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. But truthfully, it was no laughing matter. Depression had taken a devastating and crippling grip on me. I recall my sister [who was accustomed to me being the encouraging faith-filled one] telling me at one point, ‘You are starting to scare me.’ My response – ‘I am starting to scare myself!’

I say all that to say – Life can hit you hard sometimes.

And if you are not careful, it can destroy your intimacy with God.

There is a saying –

Never get too tired, too hungry or too thirsty

I would probably add to that ‘too lonely, too frustrated and too isolated’ as well

I shared yesterday that we run the risk [and actually face the high probability] of losing intimacy with God when we lose focus, get distracted, stop listening and stop communicating

When there are multiple distractions crashing around you, it is easy to lose focus.

Sometimes, you can scarcely catch your breath before another wave of challenge hits

However, it is in those moments that we must be intentional about fixing our eyes on Jesus.

This is done through spending time with Him.

I know this is not an easy task –

As far as communication goes, there were days when I could only whisper, ‘Jesus, help me please’

There are days when all I could do is weep

Yet any way that you can find to stay connected to Him is worth the effort.

One of the worst effects of losing intimacy is when you start trying to find other things to fill the void; a God-sized hole that only the LORD Himself can fill. And the vain attempts to fill it with anything [or anyone] else can – in a bad situation – lead to the development of sinful habits; and – in a worse situation – can lead to despondency and a feeling of utter hopelessness and numbness. It can become a vicious cycle – like a whirlpool spinning you around, tossing you to and fro, all the while pulling you deeper and deeper into a dark spiritual abyss.

THANKFULLY THERE IS NO HOLE TOO DEEP,

WHERE THE LOVE OF GOD CANNOT REACH … AND RESCUE

No physical, spiritual or emotional pit is too great for the LORD

That is what He did for me

It would take several posts to explain it in detail;

But, the important think for you to know is this:

When you have reached a point that you feel you cannot hold onto faith,

     That is when faith holds on to you

You see – this relationship with the LORD, this intimacy; It is not one-sided.

He longs for that closeness and connection every bit as much as we do

And He is willing to fight for it … He loves you that much

§  ‘The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you … [He] will rejoice over you with singing.’ Zephaniah 3:17

§  While we were yet sinners [lost, trapped and without hope], Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

§  He rescues from the miry pit. Psalm 40:2

§  ‘To all who mourn …He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.’ Isaiah 61:3

BUT EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS TWO-SIDED

AND YOU MUST DO YOUR PART TO MAINTAIN INTIMACY

§  Talk to Him – speak, write, sing, pray, cry … scream if you must [He can handle it]

§  Be Real – even if some of the frustration you feel is toward Him [trust me, He already knows]

§  Keep Seeking Him – even if you can only read one sentence

§  In my book, When Storms Rage, I note: When you cannot see God or hear God or feel God – you should read God. You will find His voice and you will find His character and nature there

Do whatever you must but never stop pursuing intimacy with God ..

Praying You Have a Blessed Evening

Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: WHEN I'M WITH YOU

Good Evening Friends!

I hope you all had a fabulous day …

We are almost to the midpoint of the week

AND I AM FEELING … THANKFUL!

We are still on our topic of LOVE. And today’s focus is due, in part, to some of the things that are going on in my life. Right now, it feels like there are a hundred gears all turning at the same time. And – if I am honest – there have been a few moments where I’ve felt like I was being squeezed in between all those moving parts.

But then –  He floods my heart with His love and my world with His peace.

There is nothing like the love of God!

And I find myself focusing more and more on what an awesome privilege it is to be in relationship with Him. There has been such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude.

NOW –

I would like to say I am one of those people whose relationship with the LORD has been steady 100% of the time and that I have never faltered.

HOWEVER –

I have to be honest and say …

There are times – just like a natural relationship – where there are lulls

The relationship challenges, of course, are never on His part

It happens when I lose focus, get distracted, stop listening, stop communicating

AND WE END UP LOSING INTIMACY … something so important to an effective relationship

LOVE & INTIMACY: IT IS WHAT WE WILL BE TALKING ABOUT THE NEXT TWO DAYS

1.       First I’d like to explore intimacy with God

2.       Then I would like to tackle some intimacy issues in natural relationships

Now, I understand that the second point might be a stretch [being that I’ve been out of the game for some time]. However, I believe it is going be good to look at why intimacy is important & what happens when it fails

With the first area we will tackle – intimacy with God – I’d like to get personal, really personal. And, in doing so, I’ll be sharing what can happen when that intimacy with God starts to wane

Last week – during my one-day road trip – I was searching through radio stations

And I came across a song that has had me thinking about my relationship with the LORD

It is not a new song by any means – and it is not my usual genre of Christian music.

But, there something about it that grabbed me … perhaps because I was praying all day long

And the hook that caught my attention?

‘I like me better when I’m with you …’

It is a song by an artist name Lauv. And, my thoughts immediately went to the LORD; to the resurgence in communication and intimacy. Every time I think about where I’ve been and how far He has brought me, I find myself humming, ‘I like me better when I’m with You …’

I really do... 

I can’t wait for our chat tomorrow!

Praying You Have a Blessed Evening

     & an Awesome Day Tomorrow

    

Wishing You Much Love …

‘My soul thirsts for God, the living God’ Psalm 42:2

LOVE: VALENTINE'S 365

Good Afternoon Friends!

I hope you all had a fabulous Valentine’s Day … FULL OF LOVE!

My intention was to write yesterday. But it turned out to be quite a day. Up at 3AM [unable to sleep]; traveled five hours for a meeting which was supposed to take all of a half hour – but ended up taking five hours; then a 6-hour drive back. Let me say that exhaustion [physical, emotional & mental], coupled with heavy traffic and crazy drivers [compounded by the fact that I am not even supposed to drive at night] – well it did not make for a great combination. I did not get home until midnight. However, on a brighter note, I finally managed to sleep in on a Saturday!

Shifting the focus off of me and back to us –

I have truly enjoyed our series on love

And, as promised, our discussion on love will continue

BECAUSE LOVE DOES NOT END WITH VALENTINE’S DAY

We need to understand –

The love that is demonstrated on Valentine’s Day…

It should be an all year thing and not a one day thing

NOW – 

I am not saying that there should be all the fanfare which accompanies Valentine’s Day

HOWEVER – 

There certainly should be the creativity and intentionality which accompanies Valentine’s Day

GENTLEMEN – if flowers are an expression of your love for that special lady, it should not only be on Valentine’s Day. It should be spontaneous and done randomly throughout the year. HINT: it would be less expensive at any other time of the year

LADIES – if you love how your guy smells, buy that special gift of cologne any time of the year to surprise him. Men appreciate unexpected thoughtful gestures as much as we ladies do. HINT: Buy the scented shower gel too and get creative planning an entire evening of romance [this hint is, of course, for my married friends]

ALL – if a special meal was the choice for a love-filled evening on Valentine’s Day, keep in mind that restaurants are open all year round. HINT: So is your kitchen…

PARENTS – if sweet surprises were the order of your love-demonstration for your family; candies, chocolates, cakes and brownies are available at any time during the year. My family loves when I make a dessert for no other reason than I thought they might enjoy it. HINT: It also gives you a plausible excuse for relaxing any dietary disciplines you might have in place J

FRIENDS – if you took time to let people know how much they are loved and thought of on Valentine’s Day; those expressions of care and concerns go a long way at all times of the year.

The main point is that we have 365 days a year to demonstrate: LOVE

We have daily opportunities to be intentional about our demonstrations of LOVE

YOU SEE – the primary reasons there such displays on Valentine’s Day is … EXPECTATION

It is understood and expected that there will be demonstrations of love

We can argue the correctness of it some other time while still recognizing the reality of it today

BUT – WHAT IS GOD’S EXPECTATION?

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” John 13:34

AND HE HAS LOVED US LAVISHLY AND LOVES US DAILY

“I have loved you  … with an everlasting [continual, never-ending, eternal, ceaseless, perpetual, undying & unending] love.” Jeremiah 31:3

HINT: That is some kind of love … we should follow suit!

I am going to go back to relaxing now … and recovering from yesterday

Praying You Have a Blessed Day

     & Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: VALENTINE'S DAY

Happy Valentine’s Day!

It is a day all about … LOVE!

And it is my favorite day of the year…

YESTERDAY – we talked about the romantic side of love

HOWEVER – we have also, in the past few weeks, talked about many different kinds of love

TODAY – whether you are single, in a dating relationship or married,

There is an opportunity to celebrate the love you have for those around you

In truth, that opportunity is there every day.

BUT – If you have a fun reason:

To buy balloons, share sweet treats or indulge in a special meal;

To let the ones you love know [once again] just how much you love them;

Why not seize that opportunity?

Praying You Have a Blessed Day

     & Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: IT IS SO ROMANTIC!

Hi There Friends!

I pray you have had a fantastic day!

I am thankful that I have made it past the middle of the week,

And that I get to continue our series on LOVE

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and my Friday!!!

TODAY – our discussion is about the romantic nature of love

LOVE IS SO ROMANTIC!   OK – NOT ALWAYS

HOWEVER – WHEN LOVE IS ROMANTIC … IT IS AMAZING! 

Of all our discussions on love –

This is one my favorite love topics

I told you I am a hopeless romantic – a staunch believer in the power of love

So, to me, powerful expressions of love just do something to me. I understand that, for some [especially if they have been single as long as I have], they do not want to hear about LOVE. However, I celebrate with those who have found love and I eagerly await the day the LORD will unfold His plans for me [whatever those plans may entail]

TODAY – I will be keeping things light. I have simply come up with two lists:

1.       My top three romantic exchanges in film [and why I find them romantic]

2.       My personal top five most romantic gestures

(Now – one thing you should know about me by now is that I do not believe in saying more than I feel is necessary to make my point. So, while a five and five list would make more natural sense – a three and five list is what I’ve prepared. I will thank you in advance for your forgiveness.)

WITH THAT SAID – LET’S GET STARTED

MOVIES & TELEVISION

Romance is a Bonus Book –

·         “When Dan-I smiles, I am happy. When Dan-I cries, my heart breaks and it drives me crazy. When she struggles, I struggle too. I miss her when she is not with me. If that’s love, I guess I love her then.”  When told that he needs to share his feelings with her and asked if he is being too careful, he responds: “Yes I’m being careful. But I’m going to be way more careful – that people might think I’m indecisive. I want to check 100 more times how deep my feelings are. I also want to wait until the day my feelings are reciprocated by hers. She’s not someone I can easily date and breakup with. To me, Dan-I is that important to me.” [Korean Netflix Series: Male lead Eun-Ho [played by Lee Jon-suk], ironically talking to his ex-girlfriend about his feelings for female lead Dan-I [played by Lee Na-young]

·         Why is this romantic? Because he is being so honest about his feelings. When we as women often think that men are always ‘cool, calm & collected’, this scene reveals some of the insecurities of men – wanting to be sure that their feelings will be reciprocated before they’ll take a chance. And, he shares how he is willing to take things slow because she is so special that he doesn’t want to mess it up. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE – Super Sweet!

The Notebook –

·       Noah asks Allie, “Will you just stay with me?” and her response is, “Stay with you? What for? Look at us – we’re already fightin’!” What happens next is quite the declaration from Noah: “Well that’s what we do, we fight … You tell me when I’m being an arrogant son-of-a-b^#*! and I tell you when you’re being a pain in the a** … which you are 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. They have  like a two-second rebound rate, and you’re back doing the next pain-in-the-a** thing ... So, it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be really hard and we’re going to have to work at this every day. But I want to do that, because I want you. I want all you forever … you and me … every day.”

·       Where’s the romance in a fight scene? First allow me to apologize for selecting a scene with some ‘flowery’ language. However, I LOVE the realness of this scene. There are no false expectations here. They both know it is going to be a challenge. However, knowing this, they still ultimately decide to make a go of it. When you are in a relationship where you can be yourself, be honest, and vulnerable and direct – WHERE YOU CAN KEEP IT 100% REAL – you have something pretty special.

To Sir With Love –

·       Very limited dialogue here … it is just a dance, ladies choice (there’s a link in the comments section). And, if you are familiar with the film, you know that the young lady in the scene is fully enamored with her teacher, Mark Thackeray who is referred to by his students simply as, ‘Sir’ [played by the ever-dashing Sidney Poitier]. Ever the gentleman and responsible adult, Sir is able to let Pamela know that there will not be anything between them. Yet, he honors his word to give her one dance and tells her at the end, “The whole world’s waiting for you … you’re a smasher!”

·       How could this possibly be romantic, you might ask? Well, there is something sweet, and tender and brilliant about falling for someone – even when it is unrequited. To me, it introduces the hope of what could be some day [not with that individual … but some day, with somebody]. For someone who might not have ever experienced those types of feelings for another, it is an awakening experience. I love the purity of this scene where they are still able to laugh, to dance and to act silly – and to part as friendly acquaintances – even when the romantic feelings are not the same. Ironically, it is not a romance film at all … more of a coming of age [maturing] movie which also tackles race relations, class and micro- & macro- inequities. It helps us understand that some relationships come into your life simply to educate you, to mature you and get you ready for what’s next. One of my all-time favorites.

NOW – LET’S TACKLE MY LIST (counting down to #1)

·       The Mom-Seatbelt: Any mom who has children knows what this is. You brake too hard in the vehicle and your protective instincts kick in and that arm immediately goes out to the right (in the States) and slams that child to the seat as if: 1. your arm is stronger than the seatbelt they are wearing 2. your arm really would stop any crushing metal forcibly coming toward your passenger if you were in a wreck. This is what he did when we almost had a head-on collision. He wasn’t concerned about himself. He wasn’t concerned about his luxury vehicle. He was concerned about my safety. Still give me chills & goosebumps!

·       Nap Time: We had not seen each other in eight years. And, sitting on a couch, I fell asleep with my head on his chest. And he sat there, his arms wrapped around me and let me sleep for almost two hours. I apologized profusely when I woke up! But he shushed me, told me it was perfectly fine; that it made him feel great that I could be completely relaxed in his presence and get some much needed rest. So sweet!

·       What I Think of You: He said, “I think you are a very intelligent woman, and beautiful … and might I add … sexy” Something about the order of those compliments … It still makes me smile!

·       Five Simple Words: He simply & sincerely said, “Tell me what you need.” Who would think that five little words could be so powerful; could evoke such a reaction? Enough said … moving on …

·       My Lady: We were walking down an avenue in Boston. It was a bit chilly and there was snow and slush and cold murky water on the streets. He took my hand, and gently guided me … to the inside of the sidewalk – so that if anything splashed up by passing vehicles, it would hit him first. That was thirty-years ago if that gives you any idea of the impact it left. There is nothing more romantic than genuine care & concern. Wow!

SO, THERE ARE THEY ARE –  MY LISTS

THERE IS NOTHING LIKE LOVE & ROMANCE

What is at the top of your romance list?

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day!!!!

Praying You Have a Blessed Evening 

     & Wishing You Much Love …

LOVE: IT IS NOT LIKE ...

Hi Friends!

Only two more days until Valentine’s Day!!!

Can you tell I am just a bit excited?

I love this time of year!

Actually, I love loving on people all the time – any excuse to get creative and do something nice: Buy a gift, cook a meal, bake a cake … you name … I’m all in!

AND, NOW – we continue our discussion on LOVE

YESTERDAY – we talked about how LOVE IS NOT LIKE LUST … AND LUST IS NOT LOVE

TODAY, we will be focusing on the second area of what love is not like –

SO – where do we begin in evaluating what love is not like?

WE START AND END RIGHT HERE … LOVE IS NOT ‘LIKE’

This is important because many people confuse ‘like’ with love

And others think that love is dependent upon ‘like’

So, let’s get the confusion part out of the way first since it is easiest to tackle

If someone says, ‘I like you’ – it is a pretty safe bet to take that at face value

The have communicated they like you – AND THAT IS ALL

If they have not even communicated that … be realistic!

When someone says ‘I love you’ – however – this is a different situation

It can often be taken more serious than ‘I like you’ –

However, there should still be some corresponding action

After all, some people will say anything:

To avoid hurting your feelings, to make you feel good or to get what they want

NOW – I am not one for playing games

I don’t play them with people and my expectation is that they not be played with me

Generally speaking – I say what I mean and I mean what I say

I do not believe in playing cat & mouse, hiding & chasing games.

THAT BEING SAID HOWEVER –

I still hold onto something my pastor has shared in the past: ‘The proof is in the pursuit’

UNDERSTAND THIS –

WHAT WE WANT – WE GO AFTER – WE PURSUE IT

When we want to spend time with someone;

Even if we cannot find an extra minute in our day under normal circumstances;

We will ‘find’ time to be with that individual.

Things and relationships which are a priority to us get prioritized in our lives

If we ‘like’ someone – we might not put forth the additional effort

But if we ‘love’ someone – we are like me with Valentine’s Day – WE ARE ALL IN!

We make a conscious decision and are intentional in ensuring 'talk' with a 'credible walk’

So, ‘LOVE is LOVE’ and ‘LIKE is LIKE’ and we must not get the two confused

This brings us to the second half of our discussion on ‘LOVE IS NOT LIKE…’

AND THIS IS IT ... LOVE IS NOT DEPENDENT UPON ‘LIKE’

I always found it so sweet when I would listen to my pastor talk about how he would get off work and then drive many miles just to spend a short time with the beautiful woman who is now his wife. His story of pursuit was not a situation based upon game-playing; it was a story of commitment and determination. He may not have ‘liked’ the tiredness, the long drive or the distance between them. But he ‘loved’ her and that took precedence. I believe he understood what I am hoping to convey today.

LOVE IS NOT LIKE and LOVE IS NOT DEPENDENT UPON ‘LIKE’

Once you are in a committed relationship [marriage or serious dating] –

It is important to understand that love is not like and it is not dependent upon it

We talked about love yesterday and how love is a choice and a resolve.

This is important because there will not always be romantic feelings

And during these times, it will be necessary to rely upon the unconditional & intentional aspect of love

Love is mature when ‘like’ does not get its way and wants to behave childishly

Love says ‘I’m sorry’ even when it feels it was wronged; 

     when it does not like how it was treated

Love stays when ‘like’ walks out the door.

Love gives even when ‘like’ has faded because it feels the other person is selfish

I may not ‘like’ what someone says or does but that does not determine my ‘love’ for them

I can ‘not like’ you [at the moment] and still ‘love’ you [with a lasting love]

LOVE IS NOT LIKE and LOVE IS NOT DEPENDENT UPON ‘LIKE’

The problem arises when LIKE is made to be equal with LOVE

This is when people start making decisions which have far-reaching consequences

·       I do not like my spouse [today]; therefore, I no longer have to honor the [everyday] love commitment that I made?

·       I do not like the way my mate looks; so I can allow my eyes to wander?

Absolutely Not – 

Love honors even when it does not like; ‘love’ stays focused when ‘like’ is waning or fleeting

In my book, When Storms Rage, when discussing the need to Count the Costs,

I discuss how Jesus set the perfect example for us;

     ‘for the joy set before Him, Christ endured the cross’ Hebrews 12:2

He possessed a ‘complete and proper perspective which enabled Him to endure…’

The love Jesus had for God and for humanity [for us] overrode the dislike of His situation

Yes – that is an extreme example. 

     Generally speaking, no one  is being asked to lay down their life.

But – you might be required to lay down your pride; 

     Which can be harder [for many of us] than dying.

LOVE IS GREATER THAN LIKE

So, never allow ‘like’ [or dislike] to stand in the way of how you respond in ‘love’

And, never forget LOVE IS NOT LIKE – AND LOVE IS NOT DEPENDENT UPON ‘LIKE’

Praying You Have a Blessed Evening!

Wishing You Much Love …