It is a rare person who can look beyond where you are and see who you are; one who chooses to become your friend right in the middle of the storm.
I was thinking about this as I considered the many people who have entered and exited my life. I had to praise God for His faithfulness in the relationships that He has allowed in my life. Sure, I have a role to play as well – since every relationship requires commitment and participation. However, they are truly gifts from God, especially when they come at a moment in life where friendship with you might not otherwise be very appealing.
Friendships that form at your lowest point are particularly special. I say this because the valley moments of one’s life are typically the places where you will find yourself alone … even without the company of those who were once faithful. In part, it can be attributed to a little phenomenon which I heard described by Beth Moore in one of her teaching classes. Now, she did not invent the term. But, through her mention of it, I came to understand a great deal about what can happen to relationships in the midst of the storm.
So what was the term? BIRG and CORF
'Basking in Reflected Glory' and 'Cutting off Reflected Failure'.
And while you may not be familiar with the term, you are likely very familiar with the process. Your favorite football team wins the game on Sunday night, putting the other team to shame. Your response is likely to be, ‘We had a fantastic game last night!’ The next Sunday when they lose, pitifully, your Monday commentary is sure to sound something like, ‘Man, they really blew is last night.’ You want to bask in the glory of their victory but separate and cut yourself off from even the reflection of their failure.
This is what can happen in relationships during the storm and why those friendships that are initiated in the middle of the whirlwind become so meaningful.
Jesus was well familiar with the BIRG and CORF syndrome. There were those who desired to participate in the glory of His miracles and mass appeal and those who later wanted to cut off and remove themselves from the reflection of His perceived failure. In the end ...
Even those closest to Him, who had shared some of the most privileged and intimate moments, had abandoned or betrayed Him.
It is easy to desire to be someone’s friend when they are on the mountain top, when they are winning the game, when they are the celebrated center of the street procession. However, it is an entirely different matter altogether to befriend them when the tides have turned and they are being jeered, beaten and humiliated. Yet it is the friendships formed in those moments (walking a lonely and violent path or facing some sort of crucifixion) that are likely to be most genuine. For at that point in your journey, the person befriending you has nothing to gain from associating themself with you. They are simply a priceless journey companion.
God has blessed me with one such friend. She is a unique person who, despite seeing reflections of failure, decided to reach out, become my friend during my darkest moments and who has stood by my side through it all. She does what I can only term as SIRFing.
'Standing in Reflected Failure', she has become a journey companion that has made a conscious decision to ride the waves of life along side me, no matter how rough the waters get, no matter how many times I wipe out. It is a privilege to be gifted with such a friend and I thank God for the blessing.
I pray that you too would find one such friend ...
