LOVE: IT IS NOT ...

Good Evening

I pray your week is off to a great start.

Only three more days until Valentine’s Day!!!

TODAY – we continue our discussion on LOVE;

However, we will not be focusing on the types of love and what love is;

We will be looking at what love is not

This segment in our journey is important. However, I feel I might lose a few of you.

I have struggled with whether to share this post but I must be transparent with my own failures.

Failure does not negate truth.

It may impact whether that truth is received by others – but it does not negate truth

Failure is not final. It can be utilized to create success in the lives of others

While you should learn from your own mistakes; you are miles ahead if you can learn from the mistakes of others

WITH THAT SAID – HERE IT GOES

Today is important because we will be focusing on the first of two areas I would like us to take a look at what love is not:

·         LOVE IS NOT ‘LUST’

·         LOVE IS NOT ‘LIKE’

LUST - 

We will begin with lust and follow up with like tomorrow.

LOVE IS NOT LUST & LUST IS NOT LOVE

The Cambridge dictionary defines lust as:

1. a very strong sexual desire: 2. a very powerful feeling of wanting something: 3. strong desire:

And one can lust for many things – for power, for influence, for finances.

However, for the sake of our discussion today, we will focus on the ‘very strong sexual desire’ definition. Lust is a strong desire to satisfy a fleshly hunger.

So, why is it important to understand that LOVE IS NOT LUST.

It is important because lust often gets confused with love. It is also important because it can fast-track a relationship when things should be moving  at a slower pace. And it is not just what you do physically, but what you fantasize about and what you speak about. Scripture notes that if you think lustfully, you have already committed adultery in your heart [Mt. 5:28]

I shared previously that I have not been on the dating or relationship scene for seventeen years. However – that does not mean that there has not been failure in this area. I have had conversations which would make some married people blush – conversations I am not proud of and which required me to turn [to repent] and to get back in the presence of God to get my priorities straight. I do not share this because it is comfortable or because it is anything to boast about. I share it in order to, prayerfully, help someone else avoid the same missteps and to help people understand that this is what can happen when proper boundaries are not maintained; when established boundaries are not tended to.

Is passionate conversation wrong?

No – not in and of it itself and within proper context.

The problem is when it is taken out of context and timing and rushed.

The Song of Solomon warns against arousing and awaking love [sexual desire] before it is time. [v 8:4] The Message Version of that same verse says: ‘Do not excite love, do not stir it up, until the time is ripe – and you are ready’.

‘All things should be done decent and in order’ [I Cor. 14:40].

Yet, this is not always the case, especially when lust – instead of love – is the focus.

I have been in my current home for three years – however, I still call it my ‘new house’. And, of all the things I love about my home, one the items at the top of that list has to be the fireplace. In my old house, we had a wood burning fireplace and – most likely because I lacked the discipline to get the chimney swept regularly – I probably only used twice in the fourteen years that I lived there. However, my ‘new house’ – with its three stories – is a different story. I love my fireplace and use it often. And, because it is a gas fireplace, all I have to do is hit the switch on the wall and … FIRE!!!

It is beautiful! It creates a relaxing atmosphere, it provides warmth and it is pleasant to look at. The fire and flames are mesmerizing and they make for an absolutely wonderful experience … because they are properly contained within my fireplace behind a glass enclosure.

However – if you take that same fire and place it in the center of my living room – it becomes a destructive force with the potential to harm me, to compromise the safety of my loved ones, to destroy everything I have worked to achieve and potentially impact my future as well – all because the fire was taken out of its proper setting [the fireplace].

THIS IS HOW IT IS WITH LUST

There is nothing wrong with fire – with passion [and dare I say eroticism] – in its proper context; in its proper setting  which is a committed marriage relationship between husband and wife where each is respectful of the other. Anything outside of this, however, is like that fire if it were to be placed in the center of my living room. It is foolish, dangerous, destructive and has long-lasting consequences.

I remember one of the last Christmases that I spent in Boston, MA where I grew up. It was Christmas evening and the smell from the fireplace suddenly seemed especially strong. It was because there was more burning than the logs in the hearth. My brother’s room was on fire – his cat had knocked over a candle he left burning. We were all safe and the firefighters were able to contain that damage to his room and part of the attic space near his room. However, over a year later, you could still see traces of smoke damage from the fire. And I do not believe the cat ever got rid of the dark gray color that the smoke gave him. All because of one moment of carelessness.

Likewise – a fire of passion – ignited in the wrong context and allowed to burn recklessly is simply not wise. AND IT IS NOT LOVE.

It has far-reaching and damaging effects and should be avoided by all - single and married.

Remember – you do not have to make all your own mistakes; you can learn from the mistakes of others.

LOVE IS NOT LUST – AND – LUST IS NOT LOVE

It is not love toward the other person and it is not love toward self.

‘Do you not know that he who sins sexually sins against his own body?’ [I Cor. 6:18]

And, even if there is no physical contact – there can still be the establishment of unhealthy  emotional ties and debilitating strongholds in the life of the individual – areas where guilt and shame take control, where purpose is tainted and potential is thwarted; where reputations can be destroyed, hearts broken and dreams shattered

Remember that David’s sin began with a glance. In actuality, his sin began the day he decided to neglect his boundaries and borders. ‘At the time when kings go off to war’ [II Sam. 11:1] – David was AT HOME; somewhere he should not have been, with idle time on his hands, lounging on his rooftop and clearly without accountability to himself, his wife [wives] or anyone else.

Our executive pastor shared in his sermon yesterday, “My devotion determines the direction and destiny of my life.” So I ask, ‘What will you be devoted to? Lust or Love? The desires of the flesh or the purposes of God?

I share this not to bring condemnation upon anyone or to act like I have lived the perfect life. These are questions I had to ask when I saw myself veering off course. I share this to demonstrate how easy it is to get off track. It is also my hope that something shared here will help introduce freedom into the life of one in our reading community by sharing what not to do. If you are in a romantic relationship, hopefully what has been shared will provide some pointers to help secure the borders & boundaries. If you are still seeking a romantic relationship, perhaps something here [some added perspective] will help with avoiding dangerous pitfalls and confusing lust with love.

Even if you began in lust, you can still turn and finish in love.

If you are currently in a relationship which you thought was love – and are realizing it is actually rooted in lust, lacking boundaries, out its proper context and devoid of its God intended purpose – YOU CAN TURN

The enemy may not want you to forget; the world may not ever forgive;

BUT THE LORD – He says that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation; the old is passed away, behold all things are new [II Cor. 5:17]

His mercies are new every morning.

Praying You Have a Blessed Evening!

Wishing You Much Love …