Good Evening
I pray your week is off to a great start.
Only three more
days until Valentine’s Day!!!
TODAY – we continue
our discussion on LOVE;
However, we will not be focusing on the types of love and
what love is;
We will be looking at what love is not
This segment in our journey is important. However, I feel
I might lose a few of you.
I have struggled with whether to share this post but I
must be transparent with my own failures.
Failure does not
negate truth.
It may impact whether that truth is received by others –
but it does not negate truth
Failure is not final. It can be utilized to create
success in the lives of others
While you should learn from your own mistakes; you are
miles ahead if you can learn from the mistakes of others
WITH THAT SAID –
HERE IT GOES
Today is important because we will be focusing on the
first of two areas I would like us to take a look at what love is not:
·
LOVE IS NOT ‘LUST’
·
LOVE IS NOT ‘LIKE’
LUST -
We will begin with lust and follow up with like tomorrow.
LOVE IS NOT LUST & LUST IS NOT LOVE
The Cambridge dictionary defines lust as:
1. a very strong sexual
desire: 2. a very powerful feeling
of wanting something: 3. strong
desire:
And one can lust for
many things – for power, for influence, for finances.
However, for the sake of our discussion today, we will
focus on the ‘very strong sexual desire’ definition. Lust is a strong desire to satisfy a fleshly hunger.
So, why is it
important to understand that LOVE IS NOT LUST.
It is important because lust often gets confused with
love. It is also important because it can fast-track a
relationship when things should be moving at a slower pace. And it is not just what you do physically, but what you
fantasize about and what you speak about. Scripture notes that if you think lustfully, you have
already committed adultery in your heart [Mt. 5:28]
I shared
previously that I have not been on the dating or relationship scene for
seventeen years. However – that does not mean that there has not been
failure in this area. I have had conversations which would make some married
people blush – conversations I am not proud of and which required me to turn
[to repent] and to get back in the presence of God to get my priorities
straight. I do not share this because it is comfortable or because it is anything
to boast about. I share it in order to, prayerfully, help someone else avoid
the same missteps and to help people understand that this is what can happen
when proper boundaries are not maintained; when established boundaries are not
tended to.
Is passionate
conversation wrong?
No – not in and of it itself and within proper context.
The problem is when it is taken out of context and timing
and rushed.
The Song of Solomon warns against arousing and awaking
love [sexual desire] before it is time. [v 8:4] The Message Version of that same verse says: ‘Do not excite love, do not stir it up,
until the time is ripe – and you are ready’.
‘All things should be done decent and in
order’ [I Cor. 14:40].
Yet, this is not always the case, especially when lust –
instead of love – is the focus.
I have been in my
current home for three years – however, I still call it my ‘new house’. And, of all the things I love about my home, one
the items at the top of that list has to be the fireplace. In my old house, we
had a wood burning fireplace and – most likely because I lacked the discipline
to get the chimney swept regularly – I probably only used twice in the fourteen
years that I lived there. However, my ‘new house’
– with its three stories – is a different story. I love my fireplace and use it
often. And, because it is a gas fireplace, all I have to do is hit the switch
on the wall and … FIRE!!!
It is beautiful!
It creates a relaxing atmosphere, it provides warmth and it is pleasant to look
at. The fire and flames are mesmerizing and they make for an absolutely
wonderful experience … because they are properly contained within my fireplace
behind a glass enclosure.
However – if you
take that same fire and place it in the center of my living room – it becomes a
destructive force with the potential to harm me, to compromise the safety
of my loved ones, to destroy everything I have worked to achieve and
potentially impact my future as well – all because the fire was taken out of
its proper setting [the fireplace].
THIS IS HOW IT IS
WITH LUST
There is nothing
wrong with fire – with passion [and dare I say eroticism] – in its proper
context; in its proper setting which is
a committed marriage relationship between husband and wife where each is
respectful of the other. Anything outside of this, however, is like that fire if it were to
be placed in the center of my living room.
It is foolish, dangerous, destructive and has long-lasting consequences.
I remember one of
the last Christmases that I spent in Boston, MA where I grew up. It was Christmas
evening and the smell from the fireplace suddenly seemed especially strong. It
was because there was more burning than the logs in the hearth. My brother’s
room was on fire – his cat had knocked over a candle he left burning. We were
all safe and the firefighters were able to contain that damage to his room and
part of the attic space near his room. However, over a year later, you could
still see traces of smoke damage from the fire. And I do not believe the cat
ever got rid of the dark gray color that the smoke gave him. All
because of one moment of carelessness.
Likewise – a fire
of passion – ignited in the wrong context and allowed to burn recklessly is
simply not wise. AND IT IS NOT
LOVE.
It has far-reaching and damaging effects and should be
avoided by all - single and married.
Remember – you
do not have to make all your own mistakes; you can learn from the mistakes of
others.
LOVE IS NOT LUST –
AND – LUST IS NOT LOVE
It is not love toward the other person and it is not love
toward self.
‘Do you not know
that he who sins sexually sins against his own body?’ [I Cor. 6:18]
And, even if there
is no physical contact – there can still be the establishment of
unhealthy emotional ties and debilitating
strongholds in the life of the individual – areas where guilt and shame take
control, where purpose is tainted and potential is thwarted; where reputations
can be destroyed, hearts broken and dreams shattered
Remember that
David’s sin began with a glance. In actuality, his sin began the day he
decided to neglect his boundaries and borders. ‘At the time when kings go off to
war’ [II Sam. 11:1] – David was
AT HOME; somewhere he should not have been, with idle time on his hands,
lounging on his rooftop and clearly without accountability to himself, his wife
[wives] or anyone else.
Our executive pastor
shared in his sermon yesterday, “My devotion determines the direction and
destiny of my life.” So I ask, ‘What will you be devoted to? Lust or Love? The
desires of the flesh or the purposes of God?
I share this not
to bring condemnation upon anyone or to act like I have lived the perfect life.
These are questions I had to ask when I saw myself veering off course. I share
this to demonstrate how easy it is to get off track. It is also my hope that
something shared here will help introduce freedom into the life of one in our
reading community by sharing what not to do. If you are in
a romantic relationship, hopefully what has been shared will provide some
pointers to help secure the borders & boundaries. If you are still seeking
a romantic relationship, perhaps something here [some added perspective] will help
with avoiding dangerous pitfalls and confusing lust with love.
Even if you began
in lust, you can still turn and finish in love.
If you are currently in a relationship which you thought
was love – and are realizing it is actually rooted in lust, lacking boundaries,
out its proper context and devoid of its God intended purpose – YOU CAN TURN
The enemy may not want you to forget; the world may not
ever forgive;
BUT THE LORD –
He says that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation; the old is passed away,
behold all things are new [II Cor. 5:17]
His mercies are new every morning.
Praying You Have a Blessed Evening!
Wishing You Much Love …
