Today has been a truly
difficult day …
It started this morning –
with a ride to work in my son’s car. Now I don’t normally listen to the radio.
I have a set of CD’s that I enjoy that remind me of hope and love and faith –
songs that move me.
Well, this morning I heard a song that was not in my
collection …
This song by Ed Sheeran ‘The
A Team’
I wish it referenced a now
defunct television series from the eighties. But it did not. Neither did it reference
the elitism that comes with being in the ‘right crowd’, although I am certain
that can contribute to the problem.
It is a somber tale of strung out young lady – a tale
of too many young ladies … and
young men.
And as I listened to this
song, no words were spoken between my son and I. And, curiously enough, he did
not switch the station [as he often does], surfing and looking for just the
right song. He let it play. And suddenly I was very thankful that it was 6AM
and still very dark…
I could feel that press on
my heart, that lump in my throat and sudden sadness – followed by extreme awkwardness
– as my eyes welled up with tears as I thought about how many of our young
angels try to fly to a place mentally where the shame of sexual abuse can’t
reach them, where painful violence ceases and extreme loneliness fade – even if
only for a moment.
It seemed like the song
would not end and, as it played, my thoughts went to a young lady I use to
know. For the sake of all parties, I will call her ‘Angel’.
Back in the day, Angel
would walk home from school with two people that I knew very well. But
somewhere along the way, Angel was drawn in another direction, toward a
different path, to endure a very different life than anything she probably ever
imagined for herself. You see, Angel was just like the young lady in this song –
trying to escape, caught up in the grip of drugs and doing unthinkable things
to get money for that next fix. The last time I saw Angel was in the spring of
2002 and the years of drug use, hard living and sexual exploitation had taken
its toll her. I would like to say I barely
recognized her. But I did not recognize her at all until someone told
me it was her. Living with HIV, she looked so many years older than the young
lady that I remembered – a young lady who had the sweetest face and a smile
that was breathtaking – one she flashed often as she use to walk down the
street with her friends.
Three friends – one became a nurse, one became a magistrate and the other became ‘an
angel’. Sadly, Angel became another tragic story of situations gone very, very
wrong. I don’t know if Angel ever accomplished any of the aspirations that she
had as a young teen and she ended up in a casket – far too soon. There is a
sting of irony when I consider that one of her friends grew up to save lives,
and the other to protect lives and society. Yet, no one was able to protect
Angel - to save her.
I cried, when I got out of
the car, I cried in the elevator and when I got to my desk I struggled to fight back the tears as my mind kept going back to the
countless number of ‘Angels’ who are flying and dying every day. When my
co-worker came in, I was sharing with her what a challenging morning it had
been and why – and it wasn’t even 7:00AM yet.
Her response to my expressed frustration with not
being in a position to do more was this:
She shared about someone
she knew that finally got free from drugs at the age of 50 and then she said, ‘That
is why you are doing what you do and why going to do what you’ve planned’.
My pursuit of a degree in
Psychology with a focus on Christian Counseling begins in less than two weeks.
But even with that in mind, I said, ‘You know how long it will take to finish
my degree …’
Then my friend said
something that stuck with me the remainder of the day:
‘Who says you
have to finish in order to start?’
Immediately I knew she was
speaking words of wisdom…
While we should
always finish what we begin – we do
not have to finish before we begin.
We do not have to get the
degrees and certifications before we reach out to others with compassion – and listen
to their story, feel their pain and love without expectation.
We do not have to get ourselves
cleaned up and ‘complete’ before we take a step toward Jesus
And we should not expect
others to get themselves cleaned up and complete before we’ll take a step
toward them. Rather, we should be like Jesus who embraces us right where we are
– the divorcee, the prostitute, the drug addict, the girl next door and the corporate
executive in the corner office.
We do not have to
have the entire matter completely figured out before we will embark upon
becoming a better person, reaching out to an Angel, acquiring a new skill or
making a difference in the lives of those around us. God says it is He who, ‘knows the end from the
beginning’ (Is. 46). Therefore, we don’t have to be consumed with the end. We
can start right where we are – doing something, even if it is a small
something.
My friend who gave me that
very thought provoking quote – she found out yesterday, along with another
friend of mine, that she will not have a job after tomorrow. They are ‘releasing’
our temporary employees. I don’t like that word ‘releasing’ in the context of
job loss. It makes it sound less crushing than it actually is – and I know
because I have been on the giving and receiving end of that piece of news. After
all, who wants to be ‘released’ from a way to pay the rent, pay child care and
put food on the table?
I’ve had to swallow my
pride tonight and reach out to an old acquaintance that I have not spoken to in
quite a while – to petition for a favor … not for myself but to try to help
find a job for a single mom.
You see, I don’t just want to help the ‘Angels’ in
the world. I want to help the single mom so that her precious daughter or son
won’t grow up to be one of the angels in that song. It may sound extreme, but only the angels know what
truly drives an Angel to the streets and to that life. Was it abuse that
occurred when a single-parent was absent, having to work two jobs to make ends
meet? Was it frustration with a life of poverty that drives one to try to
escape? It can be any number of causes…
My heart is extremely
heavy today … and I feel the tears welling up all over again. So I will end
with this:
There are far too many of
our precious angels trying to fly
And definitely too many
who die
And the heavenly angels –
they do cry – and so do I
Yet I am not content with
crying … and I don’t believe you are either.
So let us pray. But then
let us also do … something …
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