when love hurts

What can you do when love hurts?

In my last entry, I talked about the importance of our understanding when signs lie and steps to keep in the center of God’s will. Well, now I feel the need to share information on the times when love hurts, which can go hand-in-hand with the signs that lie.

You see, as humans, there is a natural tendency to judge situations by what we see or experience – by the signs in our lives and what we perceive to be true.

If someone has a theological degree and prays a long time, we might conclude that they are godly. While someone who is quieter and new to the faith might be labeled as spiritually immature.

If an individual has great material wealth, we think they have the favor of God upon their life. However, someone with less can be viewed as not possessing the blessings of God. Some may even question why it seems that God loves that materially prosperous person more.

Yet, in coming up with these conclusions, we can unintentionally assume a somewhat childlike approach in evaluating situations and circumstances.

When my children were extremely young, toddlers, they would at times assess my love for them based upon what I did or did not do. If I provided something enjoyable, their praises would resound, ‘You’re the greatest mom!’ If they did not like what was happening, they were not happy and I would get the occasional, ‘You don’t love me.’

It is interesting. You can go through nine-months of pregnancy and endure the impact on that cute little figure you once had. You can go through hours of labor, stay up all day and night for feedings and endure the financial impact of raising a child but – you don’t love them because you won’t give them a second treat before dinner. It makes perfect sense right? No, not really – but I digress.

My point is that children have a way of looking at things that is not based on reality. It is based on perception and demonstrates an immature knowledge of the true nature and character of their parent.

My children are MUCH older now and I am certain they are very sure of my overwhelming love for them at this point. However, I could sense some real tension recently when my son had to get a back brace. Diagnosed with a severe case of scoliosis, he will have to wear it for the next five years or until he is finished growing. Now for those of you who are not familiar with a back brace – it is this extremely hard vest made of plastic which has to be individually molded to address the specific curves in my son’s back. It has three straps which have to be pulled tightly and my son has to wear it for twelve hours per day.

Needless to say, those first few days with the brace were less than pleasant – and that is putting it mildly. Understandably, he was extremely uncomfortable. He was also less than thrilled with me. You see, I have to be the enforcer. I have to make sure he wears the brace and I am the one to ‘lock him in’ since the straps are on the back.

‘It’s too tight. It’s too uncomfortable. It makes me hot.’ He even told me that he would rather have a twisted back than to have to wear that brace. And suddenly I found myself faced with the dilemma of what to do when love hurts.

So, I did what any good parent would do -
I IGNORED HIS COMPLAINTS AND HIS DESIRES AND STRAPPED HIM IN THAT BRACE.

And I will continue to make him wear it and strap him in as long as it’s needed. I look at the pen markings that the doctor placed on those straps – the lines which tell me how tight to pull those straps – and I do what I have to do as a loving parent.

I explained to my son that I was doing it because I love him, that I was willing to have him mad at me for the next five years and would gladly watch him go through the pain today in order to spare him even greater pain, and possible deformity, later in life.

Then something amazing happened.
In that instant, God spoke to my spirit and said,
‘And that is how I love you.’
It is how He loves each one of us.

II Corinthians 4:17 tells us that, ‘our light affliction is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.’ As such, I have to look past my son’s short-sided view of today’s pain and keep my focus on his future and the rewards that will come tomorrow from the discipline of wearing that brace today. God does the same thing. He is willing to have us endure momentary affliction because He knows it will yield future rewards. He loves us that much. He loves us even when it hurts.

And, while He loves us all equally – He loves us all uniquely.

Just like that brace had to be specifically crafted to address the unique bends in my son’s spine; God crafts a tailor-made path for each of His children which sets the crooked places straight. (Is. 42:16)

Just like the doctor marked those straps to ensure the right amount of tension – not too loose and not too tight – our heavenly Father knows just what is needed for proper development. He says He will not put more on us than we can bear and also reminds us that His grace is sufficient for anything we will face in our individual walk. (I Cor. 10:13, II Cor. 12:9)

Just like the hardness and discomfort of that brace, the circumstances which He allows in our lives have a purpose. ‘We are hard pressed on every side, we are not crushed; we are perplexed, but we are not in despair.’ (II Cor. 4:8)

That brace, today, provides boundaries – a structured yet constrictive form – to ensure proper health and development for tomorrow. God’s love for us is no different. And just like my son has to wear that brace until he stops growing, we must understand that ours is a lifelong journey which will always require God’s guidance, until we stop growing – and let us hope that is never.

Therefore I can take comfort even in some of the pain which I experience. You see, if I understand the nature and character of my parent – my heavenly Father – I can lean on the truth of His Word, trust in the holiness of His nature and stand on the strength of His promises.

Jeremiah 29:11 reveals His heart for us, ‘I know the thoughts that I think toward you,’ says the Lord, ‘thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope’

Romans 8:28 provides the promise whereby ‘we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.’

When I allow these truths to be the umbrella which covers everything that happens in my life, I can endure it with joy, grow with grace and walk in victory – EVEN WHEN LOVE HURTS.